SEC Football: Silly questions for every team headed into Week 4

SEC football is about to get into the teeth of the schedule (well, some teams anyway). Here are a few questions we’ve seen coming for the conference.

The SEC football schedule is about to get hairy, and the mecca of all college football this weekend will be in Athens, Ga. where not only the Bulldog Nation, but the Fighting Irish and a legion of their fans, ESPN College GameDay and the CBS tour bus will all descend upon Georgia’s Classic City.

In the spirit of Georgia native Al Jaffee’s Snappy Answers to Stupid questions, we give you our SEC version for Week 4.

Vanderbilt:

Do you think the bye week gives a chance at beating LSU? It’s not in Baton Rouge so we have a chance, don’t we?

There’s always a chance. There’s a chance I may wake up richer than Mark Zuckerberg tomorrow too. Actually, that’s probably more likely to happen than the Commodores beating LSU. Just take your whippin’ and then look ahead to Northern Illinois. We’ll talk then.

Tennessee

Can we beat Florida without Feleipe Franks at quarterback?

The Gators are banged up. Feleipe Franks was important, and they will also be missing wide receiver Kadarius Toney. To top it all off, the Gators are a tad overrated.

But you’ve beaten one of the three opponents you should have handled your business against. At least Vandy admits their weaknesses. Let’s go to the experts…

Hey, if Lane says it, then it must be true. He’s never lied to you Vols before, right?

Arkansas

Does a 2-1 record mean we’ve turned the corner?

You’ve lost to your only conference opponent. You squeaked by an FCS team by seven points and gave up 34 points to the eighth-best team in the Mountain West Conference. You’re about to play the seventh-best one. Don’t get cocky (leave that to Will Muschamp).

Looks like the WPS Nation agrees.

Texas A&M

Don’t you think Auburn is overrated too? We got this. 

Asking me if Auburn is overrated is like asking Tyrion Lannister if he’ll have more wine.

You got this? Easy there, Aggies. You weren’t exactly Alabama-esque in your only game against a decent team this season. Just remember the good times…

South Carolina

We aren’t as bad as Tennessee, are we?

Y’all are adorable, Gamecocks. Go pull a Tiger’s tail and see how things turn out in Mizzou.

You do cool promos, though.

Missouri

We aren’t as bad as South Carolina, are we?

This conference is just full of self-esteem issues. How about this…may the best team from Columbia win.

You’re doing a nice thing here. **pats Truman on head**

Kentucky

How did we lose that game?!?!

See below:

Ole Miss

Are we ready for Alabama? 

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa there, Rebs. You do know that you’re playing Cal this week, right? An undefeated and ranked Cal team at that.

And let’s talk about these playlist choices. Be better, Ole Miss. Just be better.

Florida

We’ll be fine with Kyle Trask for the rest of the year, right?

You’ll be as fine as you were with Feleipe Franks. Which was…well…yeah, you’ll be fine. Again, to the experts:

SEC-bias I’ll bet. Oh…keep forgetting you’re in the conference. Chomp on, Gators.

Auburn

We’re 3-0! Why is no one taking us seriously?

Kent State, Aubie. Kent-flippin’-State.

You’re making it too easy. At least you didn’t ask about the Bo Nix for Heisman campaign.

Don’t you think Bo Nix should be in the Heisman discussion?

Good grief.

Mississippi State

Do you think a loss to a Big 12 team hurts our playoff chances?

Someone please cue the elder Jim Mora

Thank you, David.

LSU

Are we ready to challenge Alabama?

Goodness, how many of you SEC West teams are looking over the horizon towards Bama? VAN-DER-BILT is your opponent this week, Tigers.

You know, on second thought, yeah…worry about Bama.

By the way, need a new “turnover chain”?

Alabama

Why is everyone worried about our running game and offensive line?

You have a 48-to-52 percent run-to-pass ratio through your first three games, the first time since 2015 your offense didn’t really lean on the run early in the season. Your leading rusher has 156 yards through three games.

And one-out-of-one David Pollacks agree:

Georgia

What do you think it will take for us to convincingly beat Notre Dame?

It’s the biggest game of the week, possibly even the season depending on how things shake out. College GameDay and CBS are there, ready for the big showdown. The nation is watching.

And this is how you respond?

https://twitter.com/GAFollowers/status/1174416047958630400

Well, I guess that’s one tactic to get in the opponents’ head. But the Irish are tenacious (and have connections).

https://twitter.com/IrishSpring/status/1175042504925831170

Have fun this weekend, SEC football fans. Closing, as always, with a quote from Paul Finebaum (via 247 Sports):

“If you want to hire Willie Taggart to wreck your program, $17 million buyout is available.”