SEC Football: Silly questions for every team headed into Week 5

Closing out September, SEC football fans are ready to get into some rivalries. You know…like that big game between Florida and Towson.

The SEC football schedule is light this week, with Georgia, LSU, Missouri and Tennessee all taking advantage of an open date. The remaining ten teams will get tuned up for October, when some real rivalries begin to take place.

Once again, I’ll invoke Georgia native Al Jaffee’s Snappy Answers to Stupid questions, and bestow upon you my SEC football version for Week 5.

Vanderbilt:

Can we break through with our first win now that we aren’t playing a ranked SEC team?

Selective memory going on there Vandy? Do we need to remind you of Week 2?

https://twitter.com/BoilerFootball/status/1170419860561678337

On the bright side, your game against East Tennessee State is just eight short weeks away!

Tennessee

What will it take for us to rally back and become bowl eligible after this bye week?

Maybe UCF would be willing to swap conferences with you? UConn, Cincinnati, East Carolina, Temple, Houston, Tulsa, Tulane, South Florida … you should be able to squeeze bowl eligibility out of that remaining schedule, right? After all, UCF claims national championships by playing it.

Arkansas

Why don’t more people recognize the great rivalry between us and Texas A&M?

Come on, Bacon Bits, you’re living in the past. The Southwest Conference has been gone for 23 years.

But, the dream isn’t dead.

Texas A&M

Yeah … What TAMU said!

Yeah … What I said.

South Carolina

How can we right this ship?

Simply put…

Missouri

Do you think our schedule is set up for us to make a run at winning the SEC East?

Well, you know, you’ve got some very winnable games coming up and … (looks at Mizzou November schedule) …

Yeah, that’s a big no from me.

Let’s ask a disinterested party.

Kentucky

When does basketball season start?

Attaway, Wildcats. Stick with your best pitch.

As fate would have it, your first regular-season hoops game is on November 4, just five days before you play Tennessee on the gridiron. Should be a nice week for Big Blue Nation.

Ole Miss

Can we pull off this upset and beat Alabama in their home stadium? 

First things first. Didn’t I tell you not to overlook Cal?

As for your question, right now Alabama is favored by 37.5 points. Focus on beating that point spread and head back to Oxford calling it a win if you do.

Might want to focus on that pass defense too.

Florida

4-0 baby! Are we ready to challenge Georgia in the East?

Congrats on winning your four warmup games. Georgia is still over a month away and I’m sure LSU and Auburn will have something to say about how significant the Cocktail Party will be.

On a side note, you turned the ball over three times (plus a turnover on downs) against Tennessee … TENNESSEE! That dog don’t hunt against Georgia.

Auburn

NOW are you ready to admit Bo Nix should be a Heisman candidate?

Okay, Aubie … listen carefully.

I want you to stand up with your heels together, tilt your head back and hold your arms out straight to the side. Now, with your right hand…

Curses! Foiled by the Alabama Lawdogs

Mississippi State

Any suggestions on beating Auburn?

Take it away, Stingray!

Ah, well …

Good luck on Saturday.

LSU

Why is everyone making such a big deal about Vanderbilt scoring 38 points on us?

Well, there’s this.

https://twitter.com/bamabelle119/status/1176007339301900288

And we may as well throw this in there too

Everyone gave you a pass for giving up 38 to Texas and Sam Ehlinger. But this? Naw.

Alabama

Who should we be more concerned with … Auburn, LSU, or Georgia?

The question can’t be answered as worded. Can we add an “All of the above” option to that?

Looks like the experts aren’t too concerned about your matchup with Ole Miss though.

Georgia

What is Kirk Herbstreit’s deal? How can he rank us out of the top four teams in the country after beating Notre Dame?

You’re supposed to be the best rushing team in the conference, and Notre Dame was supposed to be one of the worst rushing defenses in the country. The country was expecting a sizzling plate of rushing highlights. Instead…

Enjoy your games or your off-weeks, SEC football fans. Closing once again with a scathing quote from Paul Finebaum (via Saturday Tradition)

“If his name wasn’t Jim Harbaugh, would he still be the coach?”