SEC Football: Silly questions for every team in Week 7

Like some SEC football teams, last week was my bye week, but I’m back with some more fun questions for the entire conference.

Last week I took a bye week from SEC football. By that I mean, I spent a weekend in ACC country watching Louisville and Boston College slug it out at Cardinal Stadium. Louisville fans seem like fun. Some were not entirely aware a game was going on. In Louisville, I guess basketball season brings on more urgency.

The game itself? Like watching two mules fighting over a turnip. You know one will eventually win, but does it matter? I digress…

To the task at hand, I once again channel my inner Georgia native Al Jaffee and his Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions, finding some enlightenment for SEC football fans.

Vanderbilt:

How did we manage a 4 pm kickoff in a non-conference game against UNLV?

The world may never know, Vandy. Sometimes the scheduling gods are just with you. We won’t call it pity. Let’s just hope the student section doesn’t show up four hours early out of habit.

More good news! You’ve got the third biggest spread in the conference behind Georgia and Alabama..and you’re favored!

Tennessee

Why does everyone want our coach fired?

I think the better question may be, why don’t YOU want him fired? It’s bad when the only players you want to fight are your own, don’t you think? He seems to be okay with it though.

Arkansas

Is this game against Kentucky our best shot at a conference win this year?

Well, let’s take inventory here…

Kentucky, Auburn, Alabama, Mississippi State, LSU, Missouri

Define “best shot” for me? Or better yet, let’s try the Magic 8-Ball.

Well, that didn’t help us now, did it?

Texas A&M

What do we need to do in order to beat Alabama?

Johnny Manziel isn’t available, you have no real offense to speak of, you probably can’t even begin to cover Alabama’s wide receivers, and you have no pass rush to rattle Tua Tagovailoa even a little.

I’d suggest hiring these guys as mercenaries.

South Carolina

Why is Georgia favored by 23 points over us? We’re not that horrible. 

Look at it like this. You can beat the spread, and call it a win. Make those Vegas boys regret underestimating you.

And yes, you are.

Oh, and it’s 23.5 points actually.

Think using a rare uniform combo last used in a Gamecock loss will help? Asking for a friend.

https://twitter.com/GamecockFB/status/1182415511218356226

Missouri

Who’s really the second-best team in the SEC East, us or Florida?

Florida has beaten Auburn, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Miami.

You’ve beaten South Carolina…oh, and West Virginia.

Did I mention that loss to Wyoming?

Kentucky

Which bowl game do you think we’ll end up playing in?

Hard to say, really. I think your band is good enough to be invited to play at halftime for any bowl game. If they spice up their percussion arrangements a little, they could even be in the national championship game.

https://twitter.com/haydenhooper01/status/1173223713572941826

Ole Miss

Is there a key for us to beating Missouri? 

This one is on your coach, Rebs. I think he’s got aaaaalllll the motivation he needs. Money talks, losers run laps around the stadium.

Florida

Are you ready to believe in us now? 6-0 and we beat a Top 10 team!

Gators, you are truly a quality (and lucky) team. Kyle Trask has proven to be the leader you needed. I believe you deserve all the accolades you’ve received.

But, don’t look now. History may not be on your side.

Auburn

What can we take away positively from the loss to Florida?

You have a bye week. Bo Nix can’t fumble or throw any interceptions that we’re aware of. Just the same, keep him locked in his room for the weekend to be on the safe side.

https://twitter.com/PathsEndGamblin/status/1180615231330017280

Mississippi State

What game plan would you suggest for beating Tennessee this week?

Show up.

Any questions?

LSU

Who wins the struggle between the best offense and best defense in the country?

Well, Tua can definitely spin it and he’s got a lot of fast wide receivers who know how to find the open spots on the field. Georgia’s secondary has been really good, but their pass rush – particularly in the second half of games is…

Ohhhh, you mean your game?

Sorry. Umm. Geaux Tigers?

https://twitter.com/LSUfootball/status/1181962807517933569

Alabama

Is Texas A&M a dangerous team for us?

If by “dangerous” you mean, turns the ball over a lot, highly penalized, and give up at least two sacks per game…then yes. They are quite dangerous.

I think Bill Simmons may be more dangerous to Alabama, to be honest.

Georgia

Should we be worried about an upset against South Carolina?

Normally, I’d say yes. A noon kickoff against a team coming off a bye week with nothing to lose, and who loves spoiling the party for Georgia might usually spell disaster. But you’ve been do-gooders this year, Dawgs, and once again the football gods will smile upon you for showing your humanity.

This should be an exciting week of games. I’ll finish as I always do with a life-changing quote from Paul Finebaum (via Saturday Down South)

“If you thought The Swamp was dangerous on Saturday afternoon, try Tiger Stadium about 6:00, with the sun going down and try to lead a comeback against a team that’s explosive as any team in the country,”