Iowa uniforms vs. Penn State almost as ugly as the offense

Iowa Hawkeyes. (Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images)
Iowa Hawkeyes. (Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images) /

Because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, the Iowa Hawkeyes opted to give Color Rush the old college try. It’s a lot of yellow, that’s for sure.

For awesome as the Tigerhawk logo is and how freaking cool the Kinnick Wave is, the Iowa Hawkeyes are not elite at having original uniform ideas. If you’ve done a little too much tailgating before, or at least enough to forget what day of the weekend it is, you might think the Pittsburgh Steelers are playing a low-scoring football under the lights. It happens to the best of us.

But when the Steelers are less cool because they’re 1-4 on the year, you might as well try something new, as in trying something the NFL has already done before. What we’re talking about today is Color Rush. Yes, Iowa attempted their version of Color Rush on Saturday night versus the Penn State Nittany Lions. And people certainly had opinions about it.

A few consider the look to be fire, while others think they look like the mustard Missouri Tigers. At the very least, they’re not rocking the same cat vomit hue of the Jacksonville Jaguars’ attempt at Color Rush. That was so bad that Sir Blake Bortles, the Dark Knight of Garbage Time, once admitted those jerseys were terrible on camera. It almost rivaled his play in North Florida.

Was that a reason he’s now backing up a guy in Los Angeles that isn’t 1,000 percent sure where the sun goes and not living it up in #DUUUVAL County in North Florida anymore? Of course, not because it’s all about slinging the pigskin well if you’re a quarterback, something Bortles was not Joe Flacco Elite at. Not even sure if Joe Flacco is still, or ever was, elite at that to begin with.

Regardless, it has been confusing for yours truly watching both Mizzou and Iowa playing football at quite literally the same time on adjacent laptop screens. There is a lot of yellow and a lot of not scoring points in those two ball games. Here’s what some important people in the know had to say about these new original threads of Iowa. Let’s just say there weren’t impressed.

When Chris Martin, Jonny Buckland, Guy Berryman and Will Champion wrote the song “Yellow” on Coldplay’s monumental debut album Parachutes, this was not what the English rock quartet had in mind. When Matt Groening came up with The Simpsons in the late 1980s, never did he imagine that Iowa would wear uniforms in the same shade of Homer Simpson’s skin tone. D’oh!

In short, these uniforms are like the bomb to 10 percent of the population. But as for the rest of us, it’s distracting, a strong enough of a distraction for us to forget that the Hawkeyes offense hasn’t scored a touchdown in six quarters until I just brought it to your attention. Six quarters and counting. Tick…tock…

It may not be a sight to behold, but it is a sight that we all got to see in primetime. But will it be enough to blind the Nittany Lions to bring the Hawkeyes back to victory? What do ferocious mountain lions think of the color yellow? We’ll just have to wait and see and do our best to not see these Iowa threads. Maybe give the radio a shot tonight, guys? That might help you out a good bit.

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