Anti-College Football Playoff rankings: Northwestern’s offense is offensive
The Anti-College Football Playoff rankings pit the four worst Power 5 teams against each other to see who the worst of the worst is.
The College Football Playoff committee picks the four best teams to play for the National Championship. The Anti-College Football Playoff committee picks the four worst Power 5 teams to see which program is the best at being the worst.
You won’t see these rankings on ESPN because I don’t have a TV contract to televise my Anti-College Football Playoff but I remain in contact with several important people at the networks who are intrigued by this proposition that many people are saying could “revolutionize the game” because the people need this.
The student-athletes on these teams aren’t going to the NFL. They’re not even going to the XFL. They’re going to have to work real jobs after this, which is worse than being the starting quarterback at Rutgers, so let’s have them play in this tournament and treat it like a bowl game with swag bags to boot. If we can celebrate 5-7 teams, we can celebrate 1-11 teams too!
Anti-College Football Playoff rankings
1. Northwestern (1-7) – Was Clayton Thorson secretly the best quarterback in college football because the Wildcats look like a middle school offense without him. Northwestern has the worst scoring offense in the nation, entering Week 10, at 10.7 points per game. That’s 4.6 points fewer than offensive-averse Rutgers. What’s really shocking is how the passing game looks like they are a triple-option offense that throws once or twice a game. Northwestern has two touchdowns and 11 interceptions this year, which is almost impressive to pull that off. It’s just impressive in the same way you can eat an entire frozen pizza in one sitting. Just because it happened, doesn’t mean it’s anything to be proud of. Northwestern hasn’t scored a touchdown since Aidan Smith had a two-yard run in the third quarter in the 13-10 loss to Nebraska on Oct. 5. Yikes.
2. Rutgers (2-7) – The Scarlet Knights are in the midst of a dynasty. What Alabama and Clemson are to championship football, Rutgers is to football summed up with a gif of a dumpster inferno. The coaches change, the players come and go but Rutgers perseveres, unlike any other bad team. They won’t settle for being bad. They won’t quit until they’re the worst. Rutgers only had 51 total points through their first seven games, which is nearly what Oklahoma, Alabama, Ohio State and LSU average per game. Miraculously, they scored 44 in a win vs. new FBS member Liberty but went back to reality with a 38-10 dud vs. Illinois. Things aren’t getting any better either as Butch Jones is one of the candidates who interviewed for the head coaching job.
3. Arkansas (2-7) – Chad Morris is in November of his second year as the head football coach at Arkansas and he’s still looking for his first SEC win. Why did Arkansas fire Bret Bielema anyway? Morris is supposed to be an offensive guru. He was as an assistant at Clemson which got him the job at SMU, but the Hogs entered Week 10 with the No. 105 scoring offense. And to make matters worse for Morris, SMU got so much better when he left. Oh, and to make things even worse for Morris, he guaranteed a win vs. Mississippi State who slaughtered the Hogs, 55-24, and they’re not even any good this year. But they’re not Arkansas-bad.
4. Georgia Tech (2-6) – The ACC is the worst Power 5 conference this year and Georgia Tech is the worst team in the worst conference. If you want to look at the silver lining, it’s that they are the best of the worst teams in the Anti-College Football Playoff rankings, so they got that goin’ for ’em, which is nice. A less-bad performance down the stretch and some more low moments from Vanderbilt could see the bees escape this pit of misery. In the big picture, this was always going to be a rough year transitioning to a modern offense under Geoff Collins and abandoning the option attack. It’ll take a few years of recruiting to makeover the roster, but they are paying for it now.
Just missed: Vanderbilt
The Anti-College Football Playoff rankings will be released weekly.
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