Bizzaro World College Football Playoff rankings: Rutgers is the anti-Alabama

The College Football Playoff rankings identify the top four teams, but the Bizarro World playoff rankings identify the four worst teams from the Power 5 for a mythical playoff to see who is the best at being the worst.

1. Rutgers (2-7) – If there’s one thing nice to say about Rutgers it’s that they are really balanced when it comes to playing the blame game for the Scarlet Knights prolonged ineptitude. The offense is as bad as the porous defense, so there shouldn’t be any infighting in the locker room with the defense blaming the offense or the offense blaming the offense for their current state.

In fact, that’s pretty impressive, just like Baxter eating an entire wheel of cheese on Anchorman. Sometimes things can be so bad that you can’t help but be in awe.

They can look in the mirror and know they are to blame for their lot in life and no one else. Rutgers has scored a total of 24 points in six Big Ten games so far this year but now they have to face Ohio State on Saturday who has a legit chance to beat them by 70-plus points. If you thought things were ugly now, just wait until Saturday afternoon. With Michigan State and Penn State looming after that, don’t hold your breath for Rutgers to win a Big Ten game this year otherwise you’re going to be dead.

What Alabama and Clemson are to successful dynastic programs, Rutgers is the exact opposite.

2. Northwestern (1-8) – Well, Northwestern at least scored a touchdown in the loss to Purdue. The Wildcats offense hadn’t scored a touchdown since Oct. 5, so the three-touchdown outburst vs. the Boilermakers must have felt like an offensive explosion for Northwestern fans. If it wasn’t for the defense, which is totally solid and fine and good, Northwestern would challenge Rutgers for the worst (best) bad team in the nation. If there’s a silver lining for Northwestern, it’s that UMass is coming to town this weekend and that should be a win for Pat Fitzgerald’s team considering the Minutemen are 1-9 with their lone win coming against winless Akron. It might also be time for a rebrand from “Chicago’s Big Ten team” with Lovie Smith turning Illinois into a team that will go to a bowl game while Northwestern makes the Chicago Bears offense look like The Greatest Show on Turf.

3. Arkansas (2-8) – Chad Morris was arguable the worst head coach in modern SEC history after a 4-18 tenure that ended with the Hogs’ loss to Western Kentucky. Arkansas fans are beginning to forget what it’s like to win an SEC game but the first step toward putting out the dumpster fire is getting rid of fire marshal Bill and they did that firing Morris. There’s going to be a lot of smoke about pursuing Auburn head coach and former Arkansas assistant and Arkansas State head coach Gus Malzahn. If Arkansas can pull that off, it’ll seriously be the biggest win the program has had in years. But since it’s Arkansas, don’t expect that to happen.

4. Vanderbilt (2-7) – I thought Derek Mason was going to have Vanderbilt playing good defense. That’s not happening and that’s why a coaching change could be coming to Nashville. I still have no idea what happened to Missouri to allow this team to beat them in October. Outside of that improbable game and a 24-18 win over a three-win Northern Illinois, Vanderbilt has been uncompetitive in losses. The Dores lost 56-0 to Florida last weekend and are losing on average 40.4-13.

Circling the drain: Georgia Tech, West Virginia, Kansas, NC State

For more NCAA football news, analysis, opinion and unique coverage by FanSided, including Heisman Trophy and College Football Playoff rankings, be sure to bookmark these pages.