Watch this man: Aron Baynes has been an actual superhero

When the Phoenix Suns were at their lowest point in franchise history, they assembled a new band of renegades dubbed the Valley Boyz, and a hero with a grizzly red beard rose from the dust.

Phoenix Suns General Manager, James Jones, took a page out of the Adrian Veidt playbook and catapulted the majority of his team into oblivion this offseason.

In fact, the Suns only retained six players from last year’s squad, and one of those was likely involuntary in that a struggling Tyler Johnson picked up his player option to the tune of a Lady Trieu-esque $19.25 million.

To replace this newfound dearth of players, Jones searched far and wide for a batch of heroes worthy of the Valley Boyz moniker and who could help restore prosperity to the Valley of the Sun.

In his hunt, he secured the likes of Ricky Rubio, a Spaniard capable of dishing out dimes with reckless abandon, and Jevon Carter, a bulldog who eats rocks and has a knack for picking unsuspecting opponents’ pockets.

But there is one hero who stands above the crowd of newcomers both literally and figuratively. A man whose lightest touch is oft decried flagrant and whose picks could double as brick walls.

It is a man hailing from Down Under, where, presumably, he grew up boxing kangaroos and wrestling crocodiles with the same mangled grin he exudes after blocking a shot into the third row.

A man who, despite not being ginger, possesses a majestic rust-colored beard, a trait caused by a genetic mutation, thus officially making it a mutant beard.

This crusader briefly donned a mask during the preseason but considering it was clear, it did a poor job of hiding his true identity and thus was subsequently scrapped.

While some citizens refer to him by his alias, Bangers, you likely know him as Aron Baynes.

Like most heroes, Baynes’ origin story is fairly modest. Before joining the Valley Boyz, Baynes floated around between three cities, San Antonio, Detroit, and Boston, where he averaged a meager five points per game.

However, after a summertime trip to China where he led his Australian brethren to a strong run in the FIBA World Cup, he underwent a transformation, and now averages 14.7 points per game as a member of the Valley Boyz.

After his transformative Chinese excursion, no longer was he just a large body that could battle big men and take up space in the post; Baynes emerged as a prolific 3-point shooter. While his technique looks like that of your awkward uncle at the YMCA, make no mistake: it is lethal.

Baynes now makes it rain 3-pointers like Doctor Manhattan makes it rain squid: unexpected, more often than you think, and when it happens, it is downright scary.

After practically shooting zero shots from distance through his first six NBA seasons, Baynes is currently knocking down 43.9 percent of his behind-the-arc attempts. This is no small-sample-size fluke. Baynes hoists more than four 3s per game, proving he is not shy about using his newfangled deadly weapon.

On top of his freshly-minted immaculate stroke, Baynes still frequently unleashes a skill he has possessed for years: taking charges.

This former Rugby player is not afraid of contact, and in truth, he thrives on it. Baynes takes charges at a rate of 0.69 per game, placing him second in the league in this hustle category.

One such charge-taken came against the Atlanta Hawks when Cam Reddish’s elbow collided fiercely with Baynes’ nose during an erratic drive. Thankfully, there was no lasting damage to Reddish’s elbow.

To further his reputation of having a monstrous physicality, Baynes sets the best screens Devin Booker has ever had in his life, which frees up the Suns’ best player to score at will while inflicting pain and fear into their adversaries.

The Phoenix Suns, a team no one expected to achieve much this season, have turned Baynes’ breakout year into success in the win column as well. The Suns are 7-6 in games where he has played, which is even more impressive considering he has served as a substitute for suspended star, Deandre Ayton.

Baynes has played so well in place Ayton, there has been some grumbling from Suns fans on whether or not Ayton should start over Baynes at center upon his return.

But alas, just like Superman has Kryptonite, the new Valley Boyz hero has been shown to have weakness of his own lately. Baynes missed five games with a hip contusion and more recently, another handful of games due to a calf strain.

However, this could be like the time Wolverine’s bones got infused with adamantium steel, and Baynes might come back even stronger than before.

Quite simply, as this season rolls on, Aron Baynes and his mutant beard are spectacles you need to watch, man.

However, if you ever find yourself within in his vicinity, it would be wise to heed the sage advice of fellow Valley Boyz hero, Kelly Oubre Jr.:

“Listen man, you see that guy, just walk the other way.”