Like a Boss is like countless other bad movies you’ve seen before

Tiffany Haddish and Rose Byrne attempt to give Like a Boss warmth but it’s faux-girl power message stinks of hollow sentiment.

I’m not sure what it is about the early months of a new year that brings with it a slate of poorly plotted, high-concept stories about women. After the likes of Isn’t It Romantic? I’m done with the trend. Like a Boss is another movie that’s perfectly suited to January’s dumping ground in that its unoriginal, unfunny and believes it’s completely in touch with what women want. A comedy whose laughs come from men who don’t know how women and business are operating in the modern world, Like a Boss is as expired as five-year-old mascara.

Mia and Mel (Tiffany Haddish and Rose Byrne, respectively) are the type of women who regularly appear in movies like these. Best friends since childhood, they’ve stuck with each other through every storm. They’ve started a makeup company that, with lackluster sounding sales and zero social media presence is unsurprisingly failing but still captures the eye of successful businesswoman Claire Luna (Salma Hayek). Claire is willing to invest in their company, but also wants to break up the friendship because she’s Evil.

If this sounds like a movie built on tropes Isn’t It Romantic? made fun of just last year, you’d be 100 percent correct. Screenwriters Sam Pitman and Adam Cole-Kelly have a conception of women and business that vacillates between cynical and offensive, especially for a film constantly reminding women to embrace their inner beauty and find their “person.” That’s all in there, but it’s liberally peppered amongst Mia and Mel being reminded by their snooty wealthy friends to have babies and a heavy, oppressive sheen of white feminism.

Byrne and Haddish are game to make utter fools of themselves, but it’s impossible to believe they’d have ever met under natural circumstances, let alone be “ride or die” friends. Byrne plays the logical, quiet perpetual mom character she’s cultivated in Neighbors and other films. The difference here is that Mel is completely happy throwing Mia under the bus if it gets her a leg up. This never plays as business-ruining friendship, but a horrible person taking advantage of the woman of color she calls her friend.

Haddish’s Mia, on the other hand, is the brash, loud woman who, despite being a creative genius, is reminded she’s a bully. It doesn’t matter that she rightfully tells Mel not to take Claire Luna’s terrible deal – trust me, you only need to be able to spell “business” to know the girls are gonna be taken for a ride – what’s important is that Mia is supposedly mean. This leads to Haddish’s character having to constantly apologize to Mel. Again, why are these two women friends? If anything, the real friendship angle is through that of their lackeys, Billy Porter’s Barrett and Jennifer Coolidge’s…..I swear they didn’t actually say her name. But these two are the only things keeping Like a Boss from being insufferable. Porter, especially, is a gift even if most of his scenes have been spoiled in marketing materials.

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But, really, the characters need to work overtime to deal with this plot. The script treats this as a world where social media and influencer culture doesn’t factor in and the best thing is to sell out as quickly as possible. Mia and Mel do so, blithely signing a contract they don’t even read. Business lawyers, what’s that? So it’s hard to feel particularly sorry for them when they realize that contract they didn’t read stipulates that Claire Luna gets their company if they split up. Yes, that’s a business clause for some reason. No wonder these two are $490,000 in debt, they probably didn’t read how much their rent cost. The majority of the plot sees Mia and Mel fighting with each other while Claire Luna’s perfectly arched eyebrows judge from the corner. By the time the two finally realize what’s important the concept of makeup has been completely abandoned.

Like a Boss is a movie that’s so dumb the running joke about two guys creating a company based on knowing women, while secretly thinking they’re less than people sounds like screenwriter commentary. The movie is so lifeless with barely a chuckle to be found. Byrne and Haddish deserve better, but maybe they didn’t read the script?