Ice Cold Takes: An ode to the great city of Philadelphia

Ice Cold Takes is a weekly humor column focused on what is trending around the NHL. This one is all about Philly.

Throughout the week, if I see a NHL clip on Twitter or Instagram, I’ll bookmark it or send it to myself. On Friday, I scroll through the clips, pick my favorite Bruins one and then try to think of things to write about the others. It’s that simple.

This week, without noticing, just about every saved clip came from a Philadelphia Flyers game. It wasn’t intentional, as my dislike for the Flyers runs about as deep as the deepest point of the Schuylkill River (In Philly, for those not catching on).

Speaking of the Schuylkill River, when googling its depth, an auto-fill appeared in regards to whether or not it was safe to swim in. This was the answer:

“And yes, you can go swimming in the Schuylkill … Despite the occasional dead body floating along beside you, the Schuylkill River can actually be a rather fun body of water.”

Philly, man…

Kevin Hayes, undisputed champion

There’s a building in Philadelphia with “Boner 4-Ever” and “Forever boner” spray painted on it. It’s been around so long that people in Philly use it when giving directions. Recently, Marriot bought the building, which led to a lot of concerned citizens in this great city.

Here’s a clip of Kevin Hayes being Kevin Hayes.

Yes, people are fighting for “boner forever” to remain as part of the renovations, as if this is some sort of heritage site. The buildings designers are taking it seriously, too. According to the project’s interior designers, “‘Boner forever’ has been a part of every presentation.”

The firm continued, saying things such as “We are figuring out a way to appropriately pay homage,” and “It’s so important to the building. We’re incorporating it into the overall project in various ways.”

IS IT? Is it really “so important” to incorporate “boner forever” into your project? I must admit, I love this story but it seems ridiculous that you have a man in Scottsdale who was recently arrested by 25 heavily armed SWAT members for a similar reason (we are all penis man) while the new Philly Marriot is looking for ways to properly incorporate “boner forever” into one of their projects. Amazing.

A tale of two Giroux

Claude Giroux is a lot of things. Most prominently, he is a great NHL hockey player. Least prominently, he is from Hearst, Ontario — a small town North of civilization that would be greatly improved if “boner forever” was spray painted on every building.

Here’s Giroux making a great play from his knees on Tuesday night.

https://twitter.com/NHLGIFs/status/1229954636284669953

Here he is again, on Thursday night, being brought down by a man who Claude is still taller than if he is on his knees.

Props to Nathan Gerbe. He’s 5’4″ but he dropped Giroux and immediately won the ensuing fight against Travis Sanheim. Gerbe has as much resilience as boner graffiti in Philly. He’s not going anywhere!

Gritty

The saga continues. Gritty is so soft that he doesn’t deserve to reside in the same city as the great “boner forever” building. He recently set up a fake investigation into himself to try to keep his tough guy image in-tact. It didn’t work.

You know how I know this was fake? Throughout the entire legal process, Gritty was referred to as “Gritty” in the articles, documents, etc, as if he was not a human inside a costume. If the alleged incident was real, “Gritty” wouldn’t be the person in question. The NHL also said nothing about this through the entire process.

Looking past his fake toughness, he’s now dipping into the world of trendy reality television to boost his reach and social impressions. Who would do such a thing?

Love you, Philly. Keep your head up.