Peter oughta listen to his mother: The Bachelor finale, night one recap

Night one of the two-night Bachelor finale did not disappoint, unless you are a fan of love, that is.

Night one of the dramatic two-night finale of The Bachelor was intense. We were given an answer to Barbara’s “bring her home” speech, which was a very shocking twist, and Peter’s future looks uncertain. We opened the episode by checking in with Chris Harrison, who was contractually obligated to tell us every time we came out of commercial that we weren’t going to believe what happened next.

Chris Harrison has been so absent this season it’s actually been nice to see him for two weeks in a row. Maybe I’m turning the page with Chris. Maybe I’m just ready for this season to wrap. Either way, thinking back to champagnegate, it feels as though Peter’s Bachelor season has been running for three years.

Most important question out of all this is whether or not Peter will find love. Hopefully there is a happy conclusion to this dramatic season. We aren’t quite there yet, though. Pete’s family got the final words of advice for Pete and boy did they make them worthwhile.

Meet the parents

If this were a movie, the opening minutes would tell us that Peter is in love with Madison but his parents are concerned over her

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decision. Let’s take a minute to appreciate Hannah Ann, who hasn’t wavered in any way since day one. She’s the sweetest, most genuine person and she’s been smitten with Peter since receiving the first impression rose. For what it’s worth (everything), Pete’s parents seem as in love with Hannah as she is with Pete.

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The worst possible thing about Peter in this situation is that he is so much like Hannah B. was last season. (A point his mother makes.) The clear choice is right there in front of him but he’s going to pick the most difficult path. It’s not necessarily a bad trait — as he said himself, he loves a challenge. This isn’t the time for that, though. Pick love, Pete!

This is not a slight at Madison, either. She is an incredible woman. She just isn’t as into Peter as much since the fantasy suite situation. She also flat-out isn’t as compatible.

Meeting with Madi

Peter and Madison kicked off their day together with a very intense talk. Peter explained to Madi that he’s been in her exact shoes, and that it is extremely difficult. Madison seemed like she was checked out, but she couldn’t pull the trigger one way or another. If I was a betting man, at this point, she’s gone.

Of course, the finale would be a lot shorter and less entertaining if that was the case, so we carry on. The two mutually decided to move ahead of the road block, then tell Peter’s parents about it, which led to a super awesome conversation with the in-laws right off the hop.

Peter’s brother Jack went ahead and asked him what we were all thinking. Here’s a summary of the conversation: “Hey Peter, you’re a bit of a whore. You sure you’re good with this no sex stuff?” Peter’s mom doubled down and gave the same speech to Madison. The takeaway: Pete loves to party.

Peter also loves Madison. Madison still kind of likes Peter. Peter’s entire family are realists and see that these two are just not compatible. Regardless of the infatuation these two feel for each other, it’s just that. Neither one seems to be thinking beyond this show.

Bring her home to us!

As soon as Madison left, Barbara broke down. She was very much favoring Hannah Ann. Whether she sticks with that post-show is another question, but family visits ended in a clear-cut victory for Hannah Ann.

Peter’s family are open, honest and not afraid to tell Peter exactly what he needs to hear. They compared Peter to Hannah last season. They said she was perfect. Barb shocked all of us and gave her “bring her home to us” speech about Hannah Ann and not Madison (or Julie LaPlaca). Peter was quick to defend himself, again proving this thing is already over. He’s picking Madison.

Madison’s exit

Peter came out the next day talking all kinds of nice things about Madi. Though Harrison warned us about something intense, the date started well. It seemed as though Madison slowly realized she wasn’t into Peter as it progressed, though, which led to a very awkward (and bug-infested) conversation. Regardless of how you felt about Barb’s speech, she was not wrong.

This is a tough process. It’s impossible to put yourself in the shoes of someone going through this process unless you have actually been there. Here are my completely uneducated thoughts: Madison waited way too long to tell Peter how much him not having sex meant to her. Madison also waited way too long to tell Peter that she was going to step down and “let love win.”

Props to Madison for grabbing this season by the horns and playing it her way, I guess. It was never Peter’s Bachelor journey. This was Madison’s Bachelorette and she left Peter heartbroken for the second time this year. Oh and the flies. My God, there were a lot of flies in the desert.

If we know Madi at all, she isn’t done being indecisive yet. Her return has already been teased next episode, then she’ll probably leave again, then return and accept Peter’s live proposal on Tuesday night. Or something like that.

The aftermath

Despite everything that has happened, Peter said he was still in love with Hannah Ann. They solidified their love by feeding and playing with baby kangaroos — literally the perfect date. Hannah Ann could tell something was off and Chris Harrison kept saying we couldn’t guess the ending so obviously, this wasn’t leading to a “happily ever after.”

Peter showed up to Hannah Ann’s suite in a half-zipped hoodie and all but told her he was breaking up with her. The two left with everything up in the air and we have to wait another night to find out exactly what happens.

For what it’s worth, the Julie LaPlaca odds have all but diminished, but at this point, her swooping in to steal Peter would be the absolute wildest ending. Through the finale promo, it looks as though we’ll get a flip-flop from Pete on tonight, followed by some sort of live conclusion, which is more or less what Arie did so for Peter’s sake, let’s hope that isn’t true.

There are three people left on this Bachelor season and two of them need to make up their damn minds.

The final episode of the Bachelor finale airs tomorrow at 8:00 p.m. ET on ABC.