Here’s 5 NFL teams even Bill Belichick couldn’t make win

It would be hysterical if Belichick left the Patriots because he was onto Cincinnati. This may be one of his most iconic quotes, but no, there is no way in hell Belichick would be caught dead coaching a team like the Bengals. The Bengals? Are you freaking kidding me? The only reason he would go there would be to further spite the Cleveland Browns because extreme pettiness is awesome.

Though they may bond over “frugality” and the love of Paul Brown, Belichick would be going to the cheapest organization in the NFL, a far cry from what he’s used to in New England. Owner Mike Brown refuses to eat a cent on any contract he signs. Though he could make Belichick the de facto general manager to save money, Brown wouldn’t bite giving up his other job out of complacency.

When the Patriots were caught filming the Bengals sidelines last year to essentially get some tape on rookie head coach Zac Taylor, Belichick had to take one look at that sorry roster Brown assembled and realize there was nothing he could do. He’d have more success entering the Cincinnati chili parlor market using a crabcake base than winning the Super Bowl with the Bengals.

Out of sheer spite, Belichick would give the job his all, but it would be to no avail. It would be a recreation of his days leading the Browns in the 1990s. He might build himself a team that’s ready to win big soon, but he’ll look up in the owner’s box and accept his fate. Not even a coach of Belichick’s caliber could fix these toothless tiger cats to make the Ghost of Paul Brown proud.