5 NFL teams in dire need of a rebrand, please

Cincinnati Bengals. (Photo by Bobby Ellis/Getty Images)
Cincinnati Bengals. (Photo by Bobby Ellis/Getty Images) /
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Joe Burrow, Cincinnati Bengals
Joe Burrow, Cincinnati Bengals. (Photo by Getty Images/Getty Images) /

Cincinnati Bengals. 3. Pick Analysis. AFC. North. player. 56. Scouting Report

You see a trend here, right? If you have a cool and exciting young quarterback and your team hasn’t won big in decades, if ever at all, it is in your best interest as a football franchise to rebrand around your new star quarterback. Let’s make Joe Burrow look Joe Cool in his Cincinnati Bengals stripes, instead of a child dressing up as a tiger to go trick or treating on Halloween night.

To be fair, the Bengals have come a long way already. Established as the southern Ohio bastard children of the Cleveland Browns in the 1960s, they didn’t even try their first two decades in the league. What the Bengals used to wear in the early Ken Anderson years was the equivalent of mayonnaise melting on the sidewalk on a hot summer’s day. No one enjoyed them.

But they gave Anderson his stripes later in his career. My goodness did that epic ‘stache look glorious during that NFL MVP season of his back in 1981. Do the Bengals go back to the glory days of the 1980s or do they try something totally different here? LSU tried something totally different last year with the forward pass. Burrow won the Heisman Trophy and now leads the Bengals.

In 50-plus years of existence, Burrow is the coolest thing to ever happen to your franchise. He is cooler than Anderson’s mustache, cooler than Boomer Esiason going no-huddle, cooler than Anthony Munoz road grading an inferior defensive lineman.

Burrow won’t need antics like Chad Ochoncinco did to draw attention to himself. He is so cool, so get him uniforms that reflect it.