Double bubble, toil in trouble: The NBA’s Delete Eight is about to be a tankapalooza

Trae Young, Atlanta Hawks. (Photo by Todd Kirkland/Getty Images)
Trae Young, Atlanta Hawks. (Photo by Todd Kirkland/Getty Images) /

If the NBA has a second bubble in Chicago, all tanking hell will break loose.

Are you ready for some bad, bad, bad NBA basketball?

With the NBA’s good boys feeling 22 down in Orlando, the association’s Delete Eight is set to bring their foulest of stenches to the Windy City. Thank the Lord above some of the worst top pro basketball you’ll ever see will be in a bubble where no one’s watching. The sound of silence is more deafening than all the boos or the cacophony of another summer installment of Lollapalooza.

Yes, as ESPN’s Jackie MacMullan reported, “The NBA is closing in on signing off on a second ‘bubble’ in Chicago for the eight teams that were not invited to play in Orlando, enabling mini-training camps and subsequent games against other clubs with a target date of September.”

As much as I’d love to see my hometown Atlanta Hawks play some sad basketball in the city I now call home, I mean, I can’t go to the United Center. It’s WAY over there and we’re in the middle of a pandemic! While watching the Trae Young-Clint Capela pick-and-roll would be dope, we’re more likely to see an eight-team tankapalooza that’ll crash and burn harder than Jane’s Addiction.

Why have one NBA bubble when you can have two bubbles to sell a bad TV product?

If the Delete Eight can tank for the right to have LaVar Ball hanging around their facilities, why can’t someone else topple over for Obi Toppin or draft someone No. 1 overall out of the University of Georgia who didn’t play Between the Hedges for the Dawgs? Why have Matthew Stafford when you can have Anthony Edwards? He could be the next Dwayne Wade or the next Stat Padford!

So if the NBA is gonna do this, for the love of God let it be sponsored by Chicago’s own The Wieners Circle. Pipe in some crowd noise, mostly of the verbal abuse variety. It’s okay, it’s mutual, as it’s part of the Lincoln Park hot dog dining experience. It builds character, just like a brutal Chicago winter swiftly followed by some humidity that’ll rival the Southeastern United States.

You know in Forgetting Sarah Marshall when Peter Bretter decided he wanted to learn how to surf before he left Hawaii? Chuck a.k.a. Kunu told Peter to do less when trying to hop up on his board. Eventually, Bretter just laid flat on his stomach on the surfboard that was resting on the sand like an idiot. That’s what this tankapalooza will look like. Well, you gotta do more than that!

No, this will not be as entertaining as a Dracula musical with Muppets. I understand fully it’s getting kind of hard to believe things are going to get better. But they will, just not in a second NBA basketball bubble. Though John Travolta, Jake Gyllenhaal and Squidward Tentacles have all thrived in a bubble before, the Delete Eight will have us bursting into tears after only one bad ball game.

Next. A second NBA bubble is reckless and entirely unnecessary. dark

This Double Bubble idea is toiling in trouble, but hey, another bad idea to put on TV for monies!