The Whiteboard: More ‘anonymous’ reports about Jimmy Butler’s work ethic

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In sports, as in politics, when you hear a report from an anonymous source it can be helpful to process the information and think about who might benefit from it being leaked. For example, Chris Haynes of Yahoo! went on NBA on TNT to share a story, conveyed to him be ‘sources’ of a noise complaint that turned out to be “…Jimmy Butler, drenched in sweat, with the practice gear on from head to toe. He was dribbling a basketball throughout his room the whole time. So, even during the quarantine period, Jimmy Butler was still getting his practice sessions in.”

The detail in Haynes’ story certainly implies that someone who was present for the incident conveyed the story to him, which leaves the security guards or Butler himself. I’m not saying that Butler leaked the story himself to further solidify his reputation as a maniacal competitor who outworks the competition, but I’m also not not saying that.

Regardless, don’t be surprised to hear some of these as yet unreported (and totally made up) anecdotes trickle out over the next few days.

What are we going to hear next about how hard Jimmy Butler works?

Anonymous sources report that Jimmy Butler has been crushing it in the impromptu bass fishing derbies springing up inside the bubble. Butler has reportedly been sharpening his own hooks from earrings left in the hotel lost and found. One source even said that Butler extreme self-control and capacity for stillness have allowed him to catch a fish or two by hand.

Anonymous sources report that Jimmy Butler has been doing plenty of biceps curls in his room. I don’t know if you heard him counting. He did over a thousand. He has his ubulous muscle that connects to the upper dorsamus, it’s boring but it’s part of his life.

Anonymous sources report that Jimmy Butler saw that Ben Golliver tweet and was inspired to completely wear out a path in his hotel room carpet. Said one source, “Seriously, it’s like down to the plywood underneath.”

Anonymous sources report that even as temperatures in Orlando climb to the low 90s, Jimmy Butler has refused to turn on the air conditioning in his hotel room, preferring to open the windows and, “let the humidity wash over him as he works out, shvitzing through the pain.”

Anonymous sources report that Jimmy Butler’s workouts would make a Tom Thibodeau practice look like a Don Nelson luau.

Anonymous sources report that Jimmy Butler ripped an enormous palm tree out of the ground, fashioned a crude stand for it and has been karate chopping a deep groove into it like Sato in Karate Kid 2.

Anonymous sources report that the rest of the players in the bubble are in absolute awe of Butler, both inspired by the work he is putting in and cowed by he easy he makes it look. Potential free agents are lining up to follow his lead in Miami and several opposing stars who don’t see a viable path to teaming up with him on the Heat have considered abandoning basketball altogether.

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