The San Diego Padres are postseason bound, so we opened a time capsule!
The world was a different place when the San Diego Padres last made the postseason in 2006.
After 14 long years on the outside looking in at the Los Angeles Dodgers and the San Francisco Giants before that, the Padres will play at least three more extra games this October. Who cares if it’s a 60-game, coronavirus-shortened 2020 MLB campaign? The Padres earned their spot in this year. I’ve waited 14 years to open this time capsule to read you this fan’s letter to himself. Let’s go!
Before things escalate, take a second, breathe in and enjoy the moment.
Oct. 1, 2006
Things could not be better for me right now in sunny San Diego, California. The waves are good, the burritos are good and the Padres are good.
With the power bats of Mike Cameron, Brian Giles and Adrian Gonzalez, I don’t see how we don’t win the World Series this year. This is the best No. 2 seed the world has ever seen and they’re SO much better than the awful St. Louis Cardinals. How did they get in? The Redbirds have no shot against Jake Peavy, Chris Young and Chan Ho Park. It feels like 1998 all over again, but way better.
Even though I’m still crying my emo ass to sleep after blink-182 broke up, I was able to get Anchorman on DVD before my 17th birthday. I am officially the coolest kid in 11th grade. I think there’s one cute girl who maybe almost likes me. My wings have never had more lift, bruh! She totally digs me, dude. I’ve got the Padres and Chargers on my side heading into my senior year.
Once I turn 18, I can’t wait to get a Padres World Series tattoo. It’s a benefit to having an early birthday, and all my surfing buddies who also like baseball are so jealous. Since I’m planning on doing so much partying when then Padres AND THEN the Chargers win it all, I’m cool with my grades plummeting. I don’t need to go to Berkeley or UCLA anyway. It’s all about good vibes.
Dave Roberts is going to go all 2004 World Series on the Cardinals’ collective asses. He’s so fast, so good and he’ll never leave us. Trevor Hoffman won’t let him. Because of Trev, I am THIS close to mastering how to play the “Hells Bells” intro on the Strat. My changeup still sucks, but I can’t wait to get drafted by the Padres out of high school next year. They know what’s up, as do I.
Though I’m still bitter about Blink breaking up, thank God for LaDainian Tomlinson, breakfast burritos, Anchorman and the San Diego Padres. There’s no way we’re not making the postseason every year. Bruce Bochy will never leave us. He’s a San Diego institution like the Chargers. I cannot wait to commandeer a float at both parades this year. Mom is gonna let me skip school for them!
So I hope to crumble up this letter to you, bruh, or use it as rolling paper for the next spliff I burn before catching some groovy waves in November as a champion. If the Padres don’t win the World Series this year, then the Chargers will definitely win the Super Bowl. They’re gonna go 14-2 and get the No. 1 seed in the AFC. You just watch! LT, Rivers, Gates, Marty. Yeah, we got this in the bag.
I have never been more confident of anything in my entire life, so why did Mom make me do this stupid time capsule thing for school anyway? Like I said, I don’t need school. The Padres are gonna draft me and I’m going to replace Trev as the closer for The Clash of MLB teams, the only one that matters, the Padres. What should my walk-up song be? I’m thinking “Feeling This” by blink-182.
Yourself from 2006, bruh
Well, that was a lot, and there was A LOT of wrong there. He had no idea the Redbirds were gonna beat the Padres in the NLDS and win the World Series that year. Poor kid didn’t even know that the Chargers would go 14-2 and fire Marty Schottenheimer after losing in the divisional round of the AFC playoffs. The Chargers may have left him too, but the Padres and the burritos never did.
Tom DeLonge blew up blink-182, came back, left them again and discovered aliens all since 2006.