Dallas Cowboys might have flushed their Super Bowl chances

The Dallas Cowboys might have just flushed their Super Bowl chances.

Sitting atop their porcelain throne at 3-1, the Browns are doing better than Harry Dunne when he tried to shave up in Aspen. Yes, I’m telling you there’s a chance the Browns can go to the Super Bowl, but it will probably end up going south.

Just like Mike McCarthy — and the Dallas Cowboys season.

After four attempts, the Cowboys stink and they’re snowballing out of control.

You can put lipstick on a pig as many times as you want, but a pig is still a pig. Poor Jerry Jones (Pig Sooie!) can’t even get a 2-0 weekend for the life of him. His Hogs didn’t get slaughtered in Starkville, but the only Super Bowl his Cowboys are going to is the one inside of his palatial estate.

This is Buhler’s Way Off…

Bill O’Brien is a survivor and ain’t gonna give up any of his power.

I don’t care how independent O’Brien thinks he is, he cannot do this alone, no matter how much power he collects from his employer. Bill, I understand you’re a survivor and that you’re not going to give up any of your power, but the question remains: Will you work harder? Deshaun Watson sure hopes you do.

Bill, you may think you’re a sharp dressed man, but any other coach would feel like their owner has got them under pressure after an 0-4 start. With enough money and internal clout to purchase the finest ranch on La Grange, you still give your team a cheap sunglasses effort.

There aren’t enough legs in Texas to kick you out of H-Town.

Ugh, it’s Matt Patricia leading the losing Lions.

The Detroit Lions should be doing their next head coaching hire. Even Matt Patricia doesn’t know why he still has a job. No fun is to be had when you’re down on the street and tied for the worst record in the NFC North with the Minnesota Vikings through four weeks. He must have some dirt on his employer or something.

Patricia has clearly lost himself in the music, the moment, but won’t own it. He better never let it go that he only gets one shot to not miss his chance to blow this opportunity that comes once in a lifetime…but he will, and he has.

The Lions’ next head coach will get the job to replace him by simply saying, my name is…

Dude of the Week, Man: Tom Brady is now the GOAT is Florida Gulf Coast senior citizens.

As the youngest Florida Man and card-carrying member of the AARP, Tom Brady went out there and gave us one heck of a blue plate special, just in time for dinner. He attempted more passes (46) than he is years old (43), completing a dirty 30 of them for 369 yards for five touchdowns, no picks and a win.

This is what happens when you give up eating nightshades, as well as your soul.

The GOAT is now the GOATAARP. When he wakes up at 4:00 a.m. ET, you better tell the new captain of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers‘ Mötley Crüe he’s the Dude of the Week, man. Can you believe Mötley Crüe tried to retire before Brady did? Tampa is becoming home sweet home.

Jeff Fisher 7-9 B.S.: Everything about The Cowboys but especially this

We’ve never seen a blocked kick go over so poorly.
This was the equivalent of porcelain throne water going over the Super Bowl, onto the floor and cascading down the nearest flight of stairs. Super!

Forever on the never-ending quest to maybe learn something, what can we possibly take away from Week 4’s games? It doesn’t matter if you’re hands are freezing or how’s your Aspen. Please wash your hands constantly, especially after you inadvertently steal Mary Samsonite Swanson’s brief case at the airport or after you play the Cowboys in the not-so Super Bowl. Life gets messy.

The Browns are two games above .500, the Cowboys are two below and that’s what’s up today.