Lance McCullers is living in an alternate universe where the Astros are underdogs

Lance McCullers tried to paint the Astros as the little guys. They’re not.

Dear Lance McCullers and the Houston Astros,

You aren’t the Rebels. You’re the Empire.

You aren’t the “Mean Machine.” You’re the prison guards.

You aren’t the plucky underdogs. You’re the bullies.

Sincerely (but really not), America.

This needs saying because the Astros are getting increasingly bullish after winning their wild card series and then besting the Oakland Athletics in Game 1 of the ALDS on Monday.

No matter how much you despite the Astros for their cheating scandal, it’s understandable to hear Carlos Correa and other Houston players vocally defend their team.

There’s a difference, however, between leaning into the villain role and spouting straight-up fantasy about being the little guy.

That’s what Astros pitcher Lance McCullers did on Monday.

“We have a good team. We may not have the big names, big bank accounts, but we got guys with balls. We got a good team,” McCullers said according to Houston Chronicle beat writer Chandler Rome.

Lance McCullers is living in a dreamland trying to paint the Astros as underdogs

There is so much to unpack in that one statement.

First, the Astros may not have big names?

In what universe are Jose Altuve, Carlos Correa, Alex Bregman, George Springer and Michael Brantley not big names? That roster is littered with All-Stars.

Second, the Astros don’t have big bank accounts?

Laugh. Out. Loud.

Houston has the fourth-largest payroll in baseball this year, per Spotrac, more than $23 million above the league average.

Moreover, Houston got through the Twins and is now playing the A’s. These aren’t the juggernauts, financial or otherwise, of the league.

Finally, no one denies the Astros have a good team. That’s not the issue. America isn’t mad that poor little Houston is beating the odds. They’re mad that the Astros cheated the game and weren’t punished thoroughly for it.

The Astros clearly don’t understand. So they’ll keep living in their dreamland until someone knocks them out of it.