Texans won’t back down, and spited Bill O’Brien

The Houston Texans refused to be turned around any longer by Bill O’Brien.

When you stand J.J. Watt up at the gates of hell, no, he won’t back down.

Hey, baby! The Houston Texans got a win! There ain’t no easy way out of the AFC South cellar, but defeating the toothless Jacksonville Jaguars to get to 1-4 with the head-to-head tiebreaker is certainly a way to do that. Bill O’Brien may be all “don’t do me like that“, but we know what’s up. Don’t come around here no more because you’re free fallin’ whilst you’re runnin’ down a dream.

Fate would have it, Bill O’Brien and Florida would lose in Texas in the same week.

When you wreck me, you wreck me, all the way to a breakdown. Go ahead and give it to me. Well, as it turns out, the breakdown is alright when progress can be made for the better.

Though you don’t know how it feels to be me, a long-suffering Atlanta Falcons fan, I can respect the inherent Tom Petty-ness of a most glorious spite win, every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

This is Buhler’s Way Off…

And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time before the Jets win a football game.

I don’t know if Adam Gase packed his bags last night pre-flight, but zero hour 9:00 a.m. ET is rapidly approaching. Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids, just like East Rutherford ain’t the kind of place to raise your football team…unless you’re talking about raising the dead because that’s what the New York Jets and the New York Giants are: Dead New Jersey football teams.

No, there aren’t enough Sam Darnold touchdowns to bring us ’round again to find. He’s not the man they think he is back home in Southern California. Rocket Man isn’t burning out his fuse out there alone. He’s in Clemson, South Carolina, poised to win his second national championship in three seasons.

We know it’s cold as hell, but there’s a chance the Jets go 0-16 this season.

Tom Brady has his senior moment

Tom Brady sure put the four in 43 with his fingers on Thursday night. After being the greatest Tampan senior citizen since Dick Vitale last week, he woke up from his pre-afternoon nap after being in a blue plate special comatose state. Though no diaper dandy, baby, it wasn’t awesome, baby, to not shake Big Nick’s hands for the second time. It must’ve been his senior moment.

Let’s hope the GOATAARP is not at the point where he’s yelling at clouds while he gets the paper in his underwear on Sunday morning. He’s been in Florida for not even a year, but he’s becoming full-blown Florida Man. Can you imagine the Tampa Bay Lightning winning Lord Stanley’s Cup, the Tampa Bay Rays win the Commissioner’s Trophy, but Brady forgets what year it is in 2020?

Dude of the Week: Alex Smith

Alex Smith was a Heisman finalist when he was all about the Utes. Years later, he unfortunately “won” the Theismann and nearly lost his leg in the process. He could have quit, but he channeled his inner Jimmy V and never gave up. In a game that didn’t matter, playing for a team that didn’t matter, Smith mattered because he defied all the odds in his triumphant return to the gridiron.

Jeff Fisher 7-9 B.S.: JJ Arcega-Whiteside

Open up your eager eyes and realize you’re JJ Arcega-Whiteside, and not Mr. Brightside.

Yikes.

Somewhere, Jeff Fisher is smiling with pride because you can’t take the 7-9 B.S. out of football even if you take out its architect.