Say what?! Translating the peak college football coachspeak from Week 9 – What is going on with Dan Mullen?

We have a spooky edition of translating college football coachspeak from Week 9’s action.

Halloween happened in college football this past weekend, and some spooky stuff happened.

The Big 12 was eliminated from the College Football Playoff picture before the Pac-12 even played its first game. Nick Saban’s Alabama Crimson Tide shut out Mike Leach’s Mississippi State Bulldogs on his 69th birthday (nice). Mel Tucker got his first win at Michigan State, while Dan Mullen completely turned heel and dressed up as Darth Vader in his postgame presser.

As they always say, a picture is worth a thousand words

Jim Harbaugh on Michigan’s brutal home loss to Michigan State

“A gut-wrenching loss,” said Harbaugh. “Can’t dwell on it. Like anytime we win, got to move on quickly. Same with a loss.”

Coachspeak Translator: Jim Harbaugh is beginning to accept this will be his last year coaching his alma mater’s football program. After beating the Minnesota Golden Gophers in Minneapolis, the Michigan Wolverines lost at home to the instate rival Michigan State Spartans, who had lost to the Rutgers Scarlet Knights. Harbaugh may try to downplay it, but it’s over for him in Ann Arbor.

Gus Malzahn on the progression of his Auburn offense of late

“It’s coming together,” said Malzahn. “I said, what—two or three weeks ago?—we’re a work in progress; we were a work in progress. We didn’t have spring. We didn’t have the same five offensive (line) guys for (even) a week. So, Chad (Morris) and his staff has done a great job just staying to it. I think on six straight drives we scored touchdowns.”

“Our starting quarterback got beat up pretty bad two weeks ago, and he’s establishing himself as one of the best in our league. I think it’s about time people start recognizing that. It’s something we can build upon—running the football, play-action shots. He made some really good moves with his feet, and third downs, we won the third-down battle today by quite a bit.”

Coachspeak Translator: Gus Malzahn is bullish on the play of his starting quarterback Bo Nix. His ability to run and throw fits perfectly into Malzahn’s hurry-up-and-run offensive scheme. Though he did give offensive coordinator Chad Morris credit, this is all about Malzahn praising the efforts of his true sophomore quarterback. Nix could be the best signal-caller in the SEC in 2021.

Mike Gundy on Oklahoma State losing at home to Texas

“Disciplined football, special teams and turnovers is what determines the outcome of games ’til you get to the latter part of the season,” said Gundy, “and we failed in those areas today, and then this is the result you’ll get.”

Coachspeak Translator: Mike Gundy knows his Oklahoma State Cowboys blew a golden opportunity this year. They might be the best team in the Big 12, but they handed the Texas Longhorns the victory with several turnovers and dumb penalties. He has to be beside himself knowing the Pokes ruined any hope of the Big 12 getting a team into the College Football Playoff.

Tom Herman on Texas getting its first win over a top-10 team in 10 years

“I mean, they all count the same,” said Herman. “I’m not trying to be flippant, but it’s, again, a lot of resiliency shown by this team. Every member of this team, this coaching staff, support staff, our fans and we feel like we’re never out of a game. We haven’t been out of a game.”

“We lost one by two points with an opportunity with the ball on the 1-yard line and we lost the four-overtime thriller to our arch-rivals. We’re a lot different team than we were back then, too. A lot different and we’ll be a lot different this weekend because, again, we are a work in progress with no spring ball, no summer, very unique training camp.”

“We just continue to improve, continue to fix mistakes. There were so many things out there that happened that we have to correct and the only way to do that is to continue to go to work and coach these guys on the improvements that they need to make.”

“For the most part, they’ve been very receptive, very eager to learn the intricate details of the new offense, the new defense and some of the new special teams things that we’re doing. They understand that it’s not going to happen overnight, but as long as we continue this trajectory of improvement, that we’re going to have a chance and every ballgame that we’re in.”

Coachspeak Translator: Tom Herman is trying to downplay his team’s biggest win in a decade. Though his team does deserve credit, Oklahoma State shot itself in the foot more than Texas won that game. What Herman knows is the Longhorns need to go out and play consistently well week in and week out if they want to be taken seriously in the national landscape and finally be back.

Dan Mullen on why he dressed up as Darth Vader in the postgame press conference

“I usually trick or treat,” said Mullen. “To be honest, one thing I will say this, it’s something we started a long time ago. Mississippi State. I read a book once and it was George Allen. I’m not sure, never being around his family. It was written through the eyes of the family and the active family.”

“You’re never around during the holidays. It’s something we did a long time ago at Mississippi State was to make sure coaches, especially those with young kids, would either come home super late or super early in the morning and you’d be able to take your kids trick or treating. As your kids grow up, they could say, ‘Hey, was my family’s football coach never around.’ You do look at it.”

“My daughter is nine. I think he spent three out of the last four Christmases in a hotel. At nine years old. Six, seven, eight and nine, we’re in a hotel room. I’m guessing. I know it’s been a couple. That’s hard. It’s something we always did. This costume here, as you said, it’s suitable tonight. I didn’t pick this out after the game.”

Coachspeak Translator: So a book about George Allen is the reason Dan Mullen turned heel and dressed up as Darth Vader after his Florida Gators beat the Missouri Tigers in an on-field brawl and in an SEC football game? Got it. While he may have had good reasons to dress up for Halloween to support his family, there is absolutely no doubt that Mullen gave into the Dark Side.

So what is the theme from this week of translating college football coachspeak? Acceptance. A coach can deny things for as long as he wants until the truth becomes inevitable. Harbaugh won’t be at Michigan in 2021, Oklahoma State wasn’t making the playoff anyway, Nix is good, Texas still isn’t back and Mullen has officially turned heel and has fully embraced going to the Dark Side.

When you accept yourself for who you truly are, you can move forward in your life.

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