2. Jersey Shore
No matter how bad things get, the Jets bottom line is Jersey Shore. As long as they don’t sink that low, they will only be the second-worse thing to happen to Jersey.
Few things more beautifully illustrate the Jersey-ness of the Jets than that time Mike “The Situation” knocked himself unconscious after slamming his head into a concrete wall. However, Mike’s skull had more of a chance against a solid concrete wall than the Jets do against whoever they play on a weekly basis. They are nothing more than the fake tan stain his head left on the wall.
The metaphors don’t get anymore on-the-nose than that.
Jersey Shore even tried to encroach on the Jets unholiest of days with their infamous Sunday dinners. For as bad as the Jets are, they at least don’t willingly involve food in whatever disaster they out together on Sundays. Adam Gase might not know what he’s doing but he’s never had a ‘pee party on the dance floor’, although the toilets in the Jets facility probably don’t flush after a season of doing nothing but clogging up the pipes of progress with crap that has been passed off as professional football.
Despite all of that, the Jets are still less embarrassing than Jersey Shore — which might be their first win of the season.