Joey Votto’s TikTok is officially the best thing on the internet

Joey Votto, Cincinnati Reds. (Photo by Sam Wasson/Getty Images)
Joey Votto, Cincinnati Reds. (Photo by Sam Wasson/Getty Images) /

Joey Votto is an all-time great Cincinnati Reds first baseman and an unrivaled TikTok legend.

Joey Votto is a wizard at first base and a sorcerer when it comes to TikTok video productions.

Not all heroes wear capes. Some dress up like Ron Weasley during his sixth year at Hogwarts and post provocative TikTok videos. For a guy who has hit 331 career home runs for the Cincinnati Reds, his latest post is 10 points for Gryffindor! This 38-year-old first baseman has more moves than Jagger and can disarm you faster than you can mutter Expelliarmus with a swish and flick.

And this one belongs to the redheads!

Joey Votto is a wizard on TikTok, but doesn’t want the world to see him either

While he mans first base as well as Ron Weasley did at keeper on the quidditch pitch, Votto is even more captivating from a dentist’s office. Weasley’s future in-laws may have been dentists, but there is not enough novocaine in the world to Dizzy Up The Girl after this. Votto is the songbird of a generation with the deepest rendition of “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls you will ever hear in your life.

"@joeyvotto #duet with @maceahwindu ♬ original sound – Joshua Johnson"

With the bass levels only rivaling a Crash Test Dummy, Votto better walk to the plate every at-bat this season to the greatest song Buffalo has ever produced. He may have been all “MMM MMM MMM MMM” after getting his teeth drilled by a total stranger, but nobody is thriving when it comes to pop culture references in a trolling fashion quite like this long-time Cincinnati superstar.

While JuJu Smith-Schuster deprived us all of the most anticipated TikTok collaboration of all time with one Jackson Mahomes, let’s speak The Queen City Joes into existence. Joey B. and Joey V. doing big things on camera to make Harambe proud. The only way this will work is if Votto dresses up like Joe Burrow did when the Bengals clinched the AFC North title and Cincinnati got the gat.

Ultimately, Votto is on the back-nine of his big league career. When other people are about to hang up the spikes, they get a little depressed. Baseball has been Votto’s calling for a long time. While he may never get an owl telling him he has gotten accepted into Hogwarts, he can continue to build up his TikTok portfolio as a distraction to what the agonizing baseball writers are going to do.

The only person to portray Ron Weasley better than Votto is the simply majestic Rupert Grint.

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@joeyvotto #duet with @maceahwindu ♬ original sound – Joshua Johnson