Aaron Judge still doesn’t want robot umps, even after questionable calls

Aaron Judge will keep us safe from the cyborg umpires you doofuses want to bring to life.

Love ’em or hate ’em, New York Yankees slugger Aaron Judge will protect us from those bloodthirsty cyborgs, whether you want him to or not.

Rather than whine about balls and strikes like a spoiled brat, Judge sees the bigger picture. Instead of yelling at fallible and unaccountable human beings behind the plate, are we really going to let some newfangled gizmos that only think in ones and zeroes tell us what to do? Traffic lights are one thing, designed to keep us safe. But robot umpires? You might as well embrace The Matrix.

At 6-foot-7 and 282 pounds of pure beef, just imagine what Judge can do once he learns kung fu…

Judge’s skipper Aaron Boone may not know what to do when the “balls are low”. The answer is go full-blown Bobby Cox, Lou Piniella and Earl Weaver on blue’s ass and get yourself ejected, bruh. At its core, baseball is an entertainment product. We want to be entertained dammit, and not told what to do by a vacuous automaton that wakes up and feels nothing ever day of its artificial life.

Low and behold, we’ve got dumb people sympathizing for the rights of bloodthirsty robot cyborgs.

Once we give those things the right to vote, we are so beyond screwed as a fading human race…

Aaron Judge will be jury and executioner in the war vs. the robot umpire cyborgs

Just watch. In the next decade or so, there is going to be some dude named Tevin who made his theoretical millions as a real estate mogul in the Metaverse. He may have all the best information artificial intelligence can buy, but he has never set foot out of his mother’s basement in his life. When asked to throw out the first pitch at a Yankees game, he will somehow one-up Dr. Fauci.

So when this stooge doofus of a real estate mogul says he is going to run for political office, treat him like the urinal cake at Fudruckers he is. Sage Peter Klaven told Downey to stay the f**k away from his listing for a reason! He was never going to let this man tag-team the Lou Ferrigno estate with him back in 2009. Why should we vote this man into political office on the backs of cyborgs?

Sadly, this feels like a war we are going to lose. Give me the convenience or give me death. I will gladly choose the latter, as I rock out to Dead Kennedys on cassette tape as I walk both ways uphill to and from work. It will be a Holiday in Cambodia the instant we give up humans for robot umpires. First, they are going to steal the strike zone from us. Then, our identities. Finally, our livelihoods…

If you want robot umpires, tell that to Aaron Judge’s beautiful face and see how that goes for you.