5 college football non-conference games fans should be furious aren’t annual traditions

3. Maryland vs. Oregon: The Apparel Bowl (Los Angeles, CA)

This budding rivalry game is about making a great first impression on the most impressionable teenagers who are good at football on the planet. The Apparel Bowl will pit Nike vs. Under Armour, as the Oregon Ducks will face the Maryland Terrapins in a neutral-site affair every sporting goods store will want to bid to be the sponsor of. But where should we put this signature game annually?

Let’s put it in Kroenkeland at SoFi Stadium because we need to assemble the most amount of fake people as humanly possible. This is more of a uniform showcase than a football game. It is all about showing up and collecting free swag, making Adidas regret not being founded by a graduate of the University of Maryland or the University of Oregon. It is Phil Knight vs. Kevin Plank forever.

The amount of one-upmanship we will see when it comes to the uniforms will be so incredibly fire. As long as the game features precisely zero defense and the final score resembles a college basketball game, we are in fantastic shape. It may not get as many viewers as the Pro Bowl, but the amount of tackling will be equivalent. Why would you want to get your clean uniforms dirty?

Because of the swag, every impressionable recruit will want to visit Eugene and College Park now.