NBA Fan Fiction: The story of Patrick Beverley’s watch

At an unspecified future time, Patrick Beverley sits down for an interview with Bryan Harvey to talk about his watch.

Bryan Harvey: Thanks for doing this.

Patrick Beverley: Sure. Sure.

BH: When’s the last time you did an interview?

PB: It’s been a while.

BH: You had a solid career. You played on a lot of very good teams with a lot of great players, but is that a big difference in guys who typically fill your role on a team and the league’s stars?

PB: What do you mean?

BH: I guess I’m trying to ask if the NBA after life treats players from different tiers differently.

PB: What tier was I on?

BH: You were a pivotal player for a lot of the teams you played on, but none of those teams ever won a title?

PB: What about when I was in Minnesota?

BH: None of your teams won a Finals. If you had been on a team that won a Finals, do you think you would be doing more interviews?

PB: Definitely.

BH: Why is that?

PB: There would have never been a Finals MVP quite like me.

BH: I think you’re right.

PB: Of course I’m right.

BH: Do you have any regrets from your playing days?

PB: Not really.

BH: If you’d won a Finals, what would have been your immediate reaction?

PB: Call Chris Paul as the confetti drops.

BH: You had his number?

PB: Did I have his number?

BH: Okay, but did you typically have your phone on you at the end of games?

PB: Man, I was always collecting trinkets. I would have had the phone on me for that.

BH: When you say trinkets, are you talking about–

PB: I most definitely am.

BH: Is it on you now?

PB: It most definitely is.

BH: Can we see it?

[Patrick Beverly reaches into his shorts. He rummages around for a bit. Then pulls out the object in question.]

BH: I know it’s been years, but I don’t remember it looking like that.

PB: Well, this is it.

BH: Sure.

PB: Look, no one’s seen it more than I have. I’m the one who knows.

BH: Why do you keep it on you?

PB: I’m waiting.

BH: Waiting for what?

PB: I’m waiting for Dame’s kids to have kids.

BH: But why?

PB: Check it. This watch is a birthright denied. I’m going to approach Dame’s great grandkids. I’m going to tell them how their granddaddy held onto this watch for years while he was losing in Portland, just losing in Portland. I’m even going to tell them where he hid it. Then I’m going to tell them where I hid it.

BH: Is this a bit?

PB: A what?

BH: A bit. You’re doing Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction, right?

PB: Christopher Walken? Do you see any cue cards here?

BH: No, I just thought–

PB: Well, you’re wrong. I only do the most original stunts.

BH: Were you going to give the watch back to the Lillards?

PB: Was I going to give it back?

BH: Well, I just thought–

PB: You’ve been wrong twice now.

BH: Why wouldn’t you give it back?

PB: It’s broken, Bryan. What kind of person returns a broken watch?

BH: It’s broken?

PB: Yeah, I never got it fixed after the night I broke it.

BH: Why not?

PB: Because of what they say about broken watches.

BH: They’re right at least–

PB: You know what they say about broken watches?

BH: Yeah, they say they’re right–

PB: No man! They say they’re constant. That’s what they say.

BH: Sure.

PB:  And that’s how I’ve always been. Constant.

BH: I’m not one to argue.

[Patrick Beverly offers to let Bryan Harvey hold the watch, but Bryan politely declines. He has seen Pulp Fiction after all.]

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