Mel Kiper Jr. promised us he’d retire in 2010 and is lying about it again

Back at it again, Mel Kiper Jr. is threatening to retire over a potential NFL Draft pick.

Mel Kiper Jr. is out of his gourd once again by threatening to retire after the 2023 NFL Draft.

Maryland does crab cakes and football better than just about anyone. But besides Babe Ruth, its greatest sporting export has to be the storied draft analyst career of Kiper. He turned a cottage industry into a nationwide phenomenon. Kiper went mainstream when he massacred the Indianapolis Colts for taking Trev Alberts over Trent Dilfer way, way back in the 1994 NFL Draft.

One is the athletic director at his alma mater, another leads the UAB Blazers and the other is still over at ESPN. Yes, all three work in football, but only one devours pumpkin pie on the reg, and I’ll let you figure out who is living his best PSL life. For now, Kiper is using retirement as a threat like he’s Brett Favre or something. He lied about retiring way back in 2010, but he is back at it again.

We are not entirely sure if his ESPN colleague Todd McShay was pulling his leg, but Kiper was not having it with McShay’s latest first-round projection for the Baltimore Ravens. McShay has Kiper’s favorite NFL team taking Texas Longhorns superstar running back Bijan Robinson at No. 23 in the first round. Kiper likes JK Dobbins and sees that as a wasted pick for the Baltimore NFL franchise.

"“There’s no way you didn’t put Bijan Robinson just to aggravate me and Ravens fans. If you’re right on this one, I will retire. I can guarantee you that.”"

Are we poised for a Jimmy Clausen spite retirement out of Kiper some 13 years after the fact?!

The only way this gets better is if Super Bowl 35 champion Dilfer gets to announce this selection.

Mel Kiper Jr. threatens to retire if the Baltimore Ravens draft Bijan Robinson

Look. Robinson is no Clausen. He can actually play at the NFL level and will not turn whatever team he plays for into a total embarrassment. Clausen was so bad that the Carolina Panthers drafted his immediate replacement No. 1 overall in Cam Newton. Do the Ravens need a running back? Not really, but Robinson will be the first one taken this spring and will be a full-blown star.

While it may not be Robinson per se, McShay might be onto something, alright. Baltimore did not pry Todd Monken away from Georgia to be its offensive coordinator for nothing. Either this is some nefarious, elaborate ploy by the Brothers Harbaugh to destroy the Dawgs from the inside out or John Harbaugh actually wants to use one of the most creative minds from the college game.

It all starts with if Lamar Jackson is returning to the Charm City for year six. He is a prime candidate to be hit with the franchise tag since this has been a joyless slog for everyone involved for years now. He could also be traded. Regardless, Monken tends to use a strong, multi-back running game to open up passing lanes for his mobile quarterback. Robinson could help with that.

Should Robinson be pushing mustard in Baltimore like it is Austin, the Kiper will be calling it quits.