What is a NOBLETIGER in baseball?

May MLB sabremetricians for the rest of time calculate NOBLETIGERs and FARTSLAMs for us.

If J.K. Rowling was an MLB sabremetrician, she would have absolutely invented the NOBLETIGER, as well as the FARTSLAM.

While they sure as hell ain’t no OWLs, NEWTs, SPEWs or got dang MACUSAs, acronyms are fun, dude. Baseball is quirky as it gets when it comes to sports, so we might as well embrace all of its shenanigans. The rate of play is speeding up, but we always have time to drive it into the ditch and get ourselves out of it. A 162-game season is a slog, so we might as well have a little fun with it.

Let’s discuss why it is so very important to know what a NOBLETIGER is, as well as a FARTSLAM!

What is a NOBLETIGER?

According to Urban Dictionary, a NOBLETIGER stands for “No-Outs Bases-Loaded-Ending (with) Team-Incapable (of) Getting-Easy-Run.” It is essentially a tremendously advantageous situation for the offense to score runs, but it comes up embarrassingly short. This usually occurs because of strikeouts, weak contact, lazy fly balls, double plays or other rampant base-running shenanigans.

What is a FARTSLAM?

Back to Urban Dictionary. A FARTSLAM stands for “Fielder Allows Runner To Score Like A Moron.” This is a much wider definition than a NOBLETIGER, as it does not require a certain situation, such as bases loaded, no outs and an inability to put a single run across. FARTSLAMs can happen to anyone at any given time, which makes them so scary. However, bad teams will suffer them a lot.

Which is worse: A NOBLETIGER or a FARTSLAM?

Truth be told, both are terrible, but in all honesty, you would probably rather suffer a NOBLETIGER than a FARTSLAM, and here is why. When you NOBLETIGER it up, it indicates that your offense is capable of getting runners on in succession, but is unable to get them to touch home. It may be especially painful in a gotta-have-it game or in October baseball, but you can sort of live with it.

As for a FARTSLAM, oh, these will drive you crazy. A NOBLETIGER may get you to utter something profane at the TV set while watching your local RSN at home, but a FARTSLAM will semi-convince you that your TV remote needs to go through your perfectly mounted or situated flat screen this instant! When you FARTSLAM, you are not only giving the other team another out, but a run, too!

In general, it is very difficult to win an MLB game when a defense commits two or more errors. Again, these are professional ballplayers, who have been trained their whole lives to capitalize on situations such as these. To not only give the other team’s offense an extra out to work with, but to concede run in the process will make even the chillest dudes of all time battery-throwing mad!

You don’t want to NOBLETIGER in crucial moments, but god forbid, you ever let a FARTSLAM rip.