5 college football rivalries we so need out of the even bigger Big Ten
By John Buhler
College football is on fire with Oregon and Washington leaving the Pac-12 for the Big Ten.
The Big Ten just got even bigger!
…and make that four Pac-12 schools linking up with the midwest, as Oregon and Washington will be crossing multiple time zones with past, present and future conference members USC and UCLA. The sport of college football is absolutely insane, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Well drunk before noon, let’s discuss new and very important rivalry games for these new guys.
If Oregon and Washington need to microwave some Big Ten rivalries, I have a few bad ideas, man…
5 college football rivalries we need with Oregon and Washington in Big Ten
5. Oregon Ducks vs. Indiana Hoosiers: Goonies vs. Stranger Things
Let’s be real. Portland is weird and Indiana is … Indiana. These two places have more in common than you think. Of course, we’re talking about Goonies, Stranger Things and other sitch. We’re going to use college football as a vehicle to do some truly weird stuff. From truffle shuffles to whatever the heck Steve “The Hair” Harrington and Dustin Henderson did, that’s what it’s about!
Everybody arrives in Bloomington or Eugene on a bike. The trophy the Hoosiers and Ducks will play for is One-Eyed Willy’s treasure chest. But since that’s going to be too cumbersome to carry, how about an exact replica of the prop that is Will Byers? Winona Ryder and Sean Astin hand the prop/trophy out. My only request is that the insufferable Mike Wheeler never plays a part in this.
For those who aren’t dorky dorks and want to be cool, man, just dress like the country club kids from Astoria or what Billy did when he was lifeguarding the hell out of that pool. Mike Wheeler’s mom approves, so why shouldn’t we? Regardless, you are bound to create another ’80s movie about the indoor kids while watching something outside. It’s gonna be great and it’ll make bank!
The biggest question is if The Ataris are available to play the annual halftime show using synths.