As a promo schedule aficionado who has scanned every MLB team's offerings for 2025, I must ask: Does everybody need a Hawaiian shirt? Or, more plainly: Does everybody need a 2025 Hawaiian shirt after already receiving one last year? What changed? Did the material get thinner year-over-year? Last year's was accidentally black, but we figured it out this time?
It's time to increase the creativity, MLB promo schedule-makers. Back in the day, bobbleheads were novel. You released one of each of your stars. Then you doubled down when the cycle was complete and gave 'em a hit counter, a surfboard, or a bag of popcorn or something. Now, it seems like there's a boilerplate Gunnar Henderson bobble every other month, followed by a ruler, a whistle and loose beads. A few Minor League-inspired chances wouldn't kill you.
And, for goodness sakes, give out more than 7,500 of these. You're not a small-town mayoral candidate, you're a global behemoth.
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2025 MLB promo schedule giveaway items that should exist, but don't
Chandler Simpson "Now You See Him" Bobblehead: Simpson is already one of the quickest players in MLB history, and one of its clearest threats on the base paths. To honor his legendary speed, the Rays should give away 10,000 nearly empty bobblehead boxes with only the base, but no doll. Ooh, Simpson's bobblehead was in the box, but he took off. You just missed him. To make it worth fans' while, 100 of the boxes/bases will be signed by Simpson.
Pete Crow-Armstrong Crow Stretch Armstrong: Fairly self-explanatory. This is very obviously a rubber crow figurine with blue hair and stretchable wings, adorned in Crow-Armstrong's signature pinstripe jersey with the massive curved nameplate, which reaches all the way down to the crow's feet.
"The Coca-Cola Polar Bears Christmas Ads, But With Pete Alonso" DVD: Remember when cereal boxes used to give away CD-Roms? This is like that, except with crude digital renderings of Pete Alonso's head on top of a full historic slate of Coke Christmas commercials. Don't fall off that ice floe! Juan Soto needs you!
Cal Raleigh's Big Dumper: No, no, it's not what you think! It's a model Mariners-branded toilet. Oh, that's for sure what you thought?
Kerry Carpenter/James Wood Co-Branded Bobblehead: Maybe for a dual All-Star campaign? 20,000 would be given away at Nats Park, with the other 20,000 ticketed for Detroit. Wood would drop off logs of wood at Carpenter's feet, who would be shown sanding down a table.
Tyler Soderstrom's "Who is Tyler Soderstrom?" Book: More promo items should be direct responses to fans' most-Googled questions. Any fan in Sacramento who arrives at the game and realizes that someone they've never heard of is among MLB's statistical leaders will be immediately rewarded with this introspective book, detailing exactly what makes Soderstrom tick. By page 250, it gets pretty existential.
The Kyle Manzardo Manziere: Co-produced and branded with Kramer and Frank Costanza, Cleveland fans can finally watch the game comfortably.
Oneil Cruz Florida Georgia Line Bobblehead w/ Sound: Baby, you're a song! You make me wanna roll my windows down ... here's Cruz! Sponsored by Margaritaville: Pittsburgh. OK, this one actually probably shouldn't exist, but here's where I posit: What if it did, though?
Ben Rice/Max Fried "Fried Rice" Bowl: Honestly, I felt bad writing this. Beating the Yankees to this one made me feel actively bad. How ... have they not ... done this already ... ? It should be a food and a bowl giveaway and a scoreboard graphic and a section and a Bronx neighborhood.
Kyle Schwarber Hulk Hands: To be fair, I'm not *entirely* sure what this is. But I know it was a phrase I wanted to type desperately.