Over the weekend, Sacramento Athletics top prospect Max Muncy was announced as a member of the Opening Day roster after projected starter Zack Gelof was sidelined by hamate surgery. He now becomes MLB's second active Max Muncy. Presumably, Muncy has met the other Muncy, the slugger currently on the defending champion Los Angeles Dodgers' roster. Here's what that Meeting of the Muncies likely sounded like.
Max Muncy, Dodgers (sensing trepidation): Maxwell! It's alright. It's ok. Bring it in.
(The two Muncies embrace briefly at first base while the umpire calls time, understanding the unique gravity of this moment. The timeout lasts as long as it needs to.)
Max Muncy, A's: Thank you for breaking the ice. I was worried if we touched, I'd shatter.
Dodgers Muncy: Why?
A's Muncy: Eh, crazy dream I had. Anyway, thank you so much for being so cool about this and not asking me to change my name.
Dodgers Muncy: Are you kidding me? Kid, if you pop off, we're going to set a record for Longest Number of Consecutive Years With the Same Name Active in MLB. We just have to beat Nolan Ryan's 27 seasons.
A's Muncy: And he was only one guy!
Dodgers Muncy: Exactly. Anyway, now that you're here, I'm happy to show you the ropes.
A's Muncy: About being in the big leagues?
Dodgers Muncy: No. About being Max Muncy. Here are all the things I wish I'd known about being Max Muncy growing up. You ever ask Kayla Clark on a date?
A's Muncy: No...
Dodgers Muncy: Ok, GREAT. Don't. Biggest mistake of my life.
A's Muncy: You know I'm not you from the past, right? No one's gone back in time?
Dodgers Muncy: On the surface, I definitely do know that. But some small part of me wonders if that's actually what this is. And until all the scientists I emailed get back to me, I'm kinda gonna treat it as if that's exactly what happened, as long as that's ok with you?
A's Muncy: I feel like I'm powerless to say no?
Dodgers Muncy: Ok, great. Wouldn't want to upset the Muncy Food Chain. I'll treat you like Young Me, and in exchange, you can ask me anything. Sound good?
A's Muncy: Sure.
Dodgers Muncy: Go ahead. Fire away.
A's Muncy: Does it hurt?
Dodgers Muncy: Playing baseball? Yeah, sometimes.
A's Muncy: Sorry, bad first question. Do you ever get any of my packages?
Dodgers Muncy: Do you ship them to your home or mine?
A's Muncy: Yours. I've got to stop doing that. Hey, do you ever --
Both Muncies: -- secretly wish that everybody else on earth was named Max Muncy, too, so that we could live in a world where name equality existed, and we could instead be identified by our incredible traits? For example, me, I'm amazing at spelling and water skiing? Whoa...how did we just do that? Wait. Let's try to snap out of it. Ping ping pong. Razzle tracheotomy. Monosodium Benzoate. Whoaaaa.
Dodgers Muncy: Maybe you're not a young me. Maybe you're a parallel me? Where are you from?
A's Muncy: I was born in Camarillo, California, but I grew up inside of your house.
Dodgers Muncy: You know I was drafted by the A's too, right?
A's Muncy: Of course. And you know I'll eventually be traded to the Dodgers, right?
Dodgers Muncy: Of course. What is "the earth" if not a spinning conduit for Max Muncies?
A's Muncy: My only goal for my baseball career is to not be viewed as your Wario.
Dodgers Muncy: You're going to be alright, kid.
The umpires, now exasperated, decide to call the game rather than interrupt the Muncies gelling.
A's Muncy: Hey, whoa, just got a text from a "Kayla Clark"?
Dodgers Muncy: Dude, I just mentioned that. Man, my childhood crush has everyone's number.