The Atlanta Braves are the Victoria's Secret of MLB: Reddit theory explained

If the Atlanta Braves are Victoria's Secret, then the Los Angeles Dodgers are running a Shake Shack. All the while, let me see that Tootsie Roll, Seattle Mariners! While the Philadelphia Phillies want to leave a bad review on Yelp over this, it should be noted that the New York Mets are indeed a Cheesecake Factory and Mike Trout's Los Angeles Angels would absolutely be worth a pair of Hanes.

Yes, somebody on Reddit decided to compare all 30 MLB teams to a publicly traded company of a similar value. Because no team is valued more than the New York Yankees at $7.1B and no team is worth less than the Miami Marlins at $1.0B, these are the kind of companies we get to sink our teeth into. These are all consumer brands we know quite well, but none of which really shape the market.

For those who want to know what their favorite MLB is valued similarly to, enjoy all of this splendor!

• New York Yankees: Levi's ($7.1B)
• Los Angeles Dodgers: Shake Shack ($4.8B)
• Boston Red Sox: Puma ($4.5B)
• Chicago Cubs: Jollibee ($4.1B)
• San Francisco Giants: Academy Sports & Outdoors ($3.7B)
• New York Mets: The Cheesecake Factory ($2.9B)
• Los Angeles Angels: Hanes ($2.7B)
• Atlanta Braves: Victoria's Secret ($2.6B)
• Philadelphia Phillies: Yelp ($2.55B)
• St. Louis Cardinals: Blackberry ($2.5B)
• Houston Astros/Texas Rangers: Vizio ($2.25B)
• Seattle Mariners: Tootsie Roll ($2.2B)
• Chicago White Sox/Toronto Blue Jays: JetBlue ($2.1B)
• Washington Nationals: La-Z-Boy ($2.0B)
• San Diego Padres/Baltimore Orioles: Hello Fresh ($1.75B)
• Milwaukee Brewers: Sonos ($1.6B)
• Colorado Rockies/Detroit Tigers: Krispy Kreme ($1.5B)
• Arizona Diamondbacks/Minnesota Twins: Kohl's ($1.4B)
• Pittsburgh Pirates/Cleveland Guardians: Papa Johns ($1.3B)
• Tampa Bay Rays/Kansas City Royals: Dole ($1.25B)
• Cincinnati Reds/Athletics: Aston Martin ($1.2B)
• Miami Marlins: Dave & Buster's ($1.0B)

If you look at the valuations, if your favorite team is worth as much or more than the two Texas teams, you should feel pretty good about yourself. That means you team is in the top half of the league at $2.25B or more. The funny part is all but five or six franchises are still valued less than the least valuable NFL team. We dump on the Cincinnati Bengals for being the cheapest organization out there.

What does this exercise really say about the state of MLB, as well as the companies attached to it?

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What each MLB team is valued as compared to a publicly traded company

I think what this exercise really showed me more than anything is we do not really view professional sports teams in the same bucket as Fortune 500 companies. We tend to think brand power and equity of professional sports teams, especially those with massive followings in the NFL and MLB really cut through. In fact, I do not think I would invest in any of the 22 companies that were listed.

Of course, if you buy a mutual fund or an ETF, odds are at least a few of these are baked into it. What I am getting at is we are comparing apples to oranges. For example, if we wanted to compare the Yankees favorably to Apple, the valuations are not even close. On the other side of the coin, comparing Dave & Buster's to the Marlins is not fair to Dave & Buster's because people enjoy them.

Overall, there is clearly a lot of money in owning professional sports franchises, but not as much as you would think. In time, maybe the Yankees or the Dodgers eclipse the $10B evaluation threshold. I would venture to guess that the Dallas Cowboys already exceed that. Unfortunately, nobody thinks that is a well-run organization anymore. It is all about the power of the brand and always being on TV.

If the Colorado Rockies can be glazed donuts, then the Pittsburgh Pirates can absolutely be pizza.