Ever have that friend who always seems to get the things you want? The nicer car, the better apartment, the steadier job, the cooler toys (when you work in this industry, that's every friend)? Every time you think you're about to draw level in one of those categories, they just level up again — they had a PS5 right as you got a PS4.
We all know that feeling. But you're not supposed to have that feeling when you're Chelsea FC, and have tried to buy everything under the sun (and even some things that have escaped the sun's gaze). The Blues have spent the past few seasons under Clearlake ownership purchasing wide forward after wide forward: Just this season, they've trotted out Noni Madueke, Pedro Neto, Jadon Sancho, Joao Felix, Christopher Nkunku, and Mykhailo Mudryk, and that's when they haven't been forced to play Cole Palmer from the right on occasion.
But for all those additions, the club feels no closer to finding a solution. In fact, they feel farther away than ever, especially after Brighton gave Chelsea a firsthand look at what they haven't been able to purchase on Friday night.
Brighton adds insult to injury in lashing of Chelsea
For the non-blue clad, it was truly enjoyable to then watch Kaoru Mitoma and Yankuba Minteh put them to the sword, with three goals combined and far more terror down the wings over 90 minutes than that — Two players doing things Chelsea have spent gobs of cash to acquired and have been unable to produce.
The above two have combined for 11 goals and five assists on the season. The aforementioned six wingers for Chelsea have combined for 14 and 10, Seven of those goals and three of the assists are Madueke's, and only four of those have arrived since August. You won't be surprised when I tell you that Mitoma and Minteh did not arrive at Brighton for a combined 278 million Euros, as the Chelsea group did. And that number doesn't even include previous splashes that they've had to usher out the door to bring in more expensive flotsam, like Raheem Sterling or ... Joao Felix on loan.
Some of this is harsh; it's not like Chelsea has spent wisely in other areas, either! Their midfield of Moises Caicedo and Enzo Fernandez cost somewhere around the GDP of Slovakia. They've asked Caicedo to be the possession fulcrum in midfield, which he really isn't built to be. They've asked Fernandez to be the creator just ahead of him, even though he's not a great passer or creator. That probably isn't helping wide forwards who are supposed to be on the ends of what Caicedo and Fernandez don't do all that well.
Back to the wingers. They just represent the slapdash ways that Chelsea clearly go about finding their buys. Which is funny, because they attempted to import Brighton's scouting staff when they hired Graham Potter as manager. Except that doesn't really matter if a club doesn't also get Tony Bloom's system and algorithim or whatever he uses to find players.
Pedro Neto had one season of his teammates finishing off his passes at an unsustainable rate (he produced 4.4 xAG in 23-24 with Wolves that ended up producing nine goals). The season before he didn't score or assist once. Nkunku had piled up the goals for RB Leipzig, which Timo Werner also had done, and Chelsea should have learned that lesson then. Madueke had one dominant season in the Netherlands. Mudryk didn't know how to play soccer.
There's also a disconnect in the system. What is it these guys are meant to do? Get in behind? Chelsea doesn't really have the striker to drop off into midfield to create space for them, and no one other than Palmer to hit them with through-balls. Are they supposed to beat their fullback and get crosses in? Not really how they play either.
Whereas Brighton have a clear plan. Danny Welbeck does drop off to create space in behind the opponent's defense. Georgino Rutter moves from wide into midfield to leave space for Minteh. They go direct to them when it's available.
It's the lesson we all tell ourselves as we hang out at that firend's summer barbeque. Money can't buy everything.