Champions League winners and losers from Matchday 7: American players on both sides of this feature

Whew! It’s the last round of the league phase of the Champions League! To prevent teams from tanking to gain some competitive advantage, all 18 matches are played at the same time. That means I have to cover all those games in one day.

I’m sure I’ll be seeing the adidas UCL League Ball in my sleep tonight, but before that, I’m posting this recap as we see who’s still alive and who’s not. If you’re not familiar with the new format, the top eight finishers receive a bye to the knockout stages, while the teams that finish 9-16 contest two-game playoffs against the teams that finish 17-24.

Champions League winners from Matchday 7

Benfica

They needed a win on the road at Juventus to stay alive in the Champions League and they got it against an uninspiring Italian side. More than that, the Portuguese club finishes 16th, so they will face either Monaco or Brest in the playoffs.

Christian Pulisic

That turn-and-shoot move to equalize against Dinamo Zagreb when his team was down to 10 men (see the losers section) was just what we’ve come to expect from him this season. He couldn’t get his team a win, but it was a great display of technique.

Borussia Dortmund

It took no act of genius for me to predict that Nuri Șahin would be fired as Dortmund’s coach after their loss in the last round, and sure enough, that’s what happened. Interim coach Mike Tullberg picked up the win over Shakhtar Donetsk that BVB needed to survive, thanks to two goals by Guinean striker Serhou Guirassy and a clever backheel assist by American Giovanni Reyna for Ramy Bensebaini’s goal that sealed the victory. Maybe Dortmund’s new management will give Reyna playing time that he couldn’t get under Șahin.

Conrad Harder

Sporting Lisbon only needed a draw at home against already-eliminated Bologna, but the Portuguese league leaders came out flat. Meanwhile, their Italian opponents were determined to play spoiler and scored first off a corner kick. It took a scrambling second-half finish by the Danish striker to get that draw and save his team from crashing out. Problem is, now his side has to face either Atalanta or Borussia Dortmund.

Giuliano Simeone

Against already-eliminated Red Bull Salzburg, the Atlético Madrid winger ran rampant down the Austrians’ left side, tallying a goal and an assist to get the rojiblancos the win that pushed them into the top 8. His father and head coach, Diego Simeone, had all sorts of reasons to be gratified.

Marcus Thuram

In the opening 10 minutes against Monaco, the Inter Milan forward drew a penalty that Lautaro Martínez converted and then was fouled on a breakaway that resulted in a red card for Christian Mawissa. It all led to an easy victory for the nerazzurri, and even after Thuram was substituted, the Frenchman was seen winning the water bottle flip challenge on the sideline. That’s how you know it’s your day.

Éderson

I don’t mean the Brazilian who plays in goal for Manchester City. I mean the Brazilian who plays in attack for Atalanta. His long-range shot squeezed off amid a lot of traffic helped his team get a draw in Barcelona. His Belgian teammate Charles de Ketelaere gets a winner-within-a-winner mention with four goals and five assists in the league phase. AC Milan got rid of him, and now he’s doing great at a team that finished above Milan in the standings. Now a favorable playoff matchup with either Sporting Lisbon or Brugge awaits.

Johan Bakayoko and Ricardo Pepi

In PSV’s win over Liverpool, the Belgian’s shot fake sat down two Liverpool defenders at once before he scored. It looked like a choreographed dance move. Then the El Paso native scored what turned out to be the match-winner and caused American flags to wave in Eindhoven.

Mateo Kovačić

The Croatian midfielder doesn’t usually score the goals for Manchester City, but his shot from outside the box just after halftime found its way in and sent his team on a comeback that saved it from a mighty embarrassment. City’s survival is what matters, but oh boy do they not look convincing in this competition. They’re playing either Bayern Munich or Real Madrid in the playoffs, and I wouldn’t lay any money on them.

Ollie Watkins

Would you believe that was his first goal in the Champions League? It was an important one, too, breaking a 2-2 tie against Celtic and helping Aston Villa win and finish in the top 8 for that coveted bye. He gets a loser-within-a-winner item because his slip while taking a spot kick produced one of the uglier penalties you’ll see this season, but he also gets another ribbon for unselfishly squaring the ball in stoppage time so that Morgan Rogers could complete his hat trick at Villa Park.

Jonathan David

His beautifully taken goal for Lille in their win over Feyenoord gave him six goals in the Champions League and makes him Canada’s all-time leading scorer in the CL. Our neighbors to the north will hope he can replicate that form when Canada co-hosts the World Cup next year.

Lille

Who had them finishing in the top 8? The French club finished ahead of some European powerhouses, and now they get to kick back and watch those perennial powers slug it out in the playoffs.

Marko Tolić

His team is out of the Champions League, but the Croatian attacking midfielder scored a spectacular solo goal for Slovan Bratislava in their loss to Bayern Munich.

Arjan Malić

In a game that meant nothing for either team, the Slovenian teenager scored his first-ever Champions League goal and eliminated Sturm Graz beat Red Bull Leipzig in front of their home fans. 

Guelor Kanga

In another battle of eliminated teams that was about as dull as you’d expect, the Gabonese midfielder came off the bench and smashed in a worldie that won the game for Red Star Belgrade against Young Boys of Bern.

Champions League losers from Matchday 7

Yunus Musah

The American winger’s two yellow cards (one for trying to pull Raúl Torrente to his feet because he didn't believe the Spaniard was actually injured) contributed mightily to AC Milan’s loss to an already-eliminated Dinamo Zagreb, which knocked the rossoneri out of the top 8. Now they will have to go through a playoff against either Juventus or Feyenoord, and Musah will hear about it when he gets back to Italy.

Matteo Gabbia

Musah may get the blame, but we should remember that it was Milan’s defender who stumbled while he was carrying the ball and gave Martin Baturina a 1-on-1 chance that he converted for Zagreb’s opening goal.

Stuttgart

Needing a win at home to keep their Champions League campaign going, they got absolutely thrashed by Paris St.-Germain. They’re out now.

Celtic

Along with Manchester City, they’re staring down the barrel of a playoff matchup with either Bayern or Real. It will be the highlight of Brendan Rodgers’ coaching career if he can beat either of those teams.

Amara Nallo

Did you know he was playing at Liverpool? Well, you know now, because his slide tackle on a PSV breakaway drew him a red card and contributed to his team’s defeat. Lucky for him that Liverpool retained the top spot in the standings.

Feyenoord’s defense

Two own goals plus a third that ricocheted off several players. After their upset win over Bayern last week, the Dutch side disintegrated in central France and now must deal with either Milan or PSV in the playoffs.

Gregor Kobel

The Swiss goalkeeper must have been thinking about his postgame currywurst when Shakhtar’s Brazilian forward Marlon Gomes slide-tackled the ball away from him and into Dortmund’s net. Good thing his teammates bailed him out.

Shakhtar Donetsk

Along with Stuttgart, they’re out of the competition too. I’m gonna miss these guys. I hope they get their home turf back from the Russians.

Young Boys of Bern’s fans

They marked their team’s last Champions League game by throwing cigarette lighters onto the pitch. It can’t feel good to finish dead last out of the tournament’s 36 teams, but really? I thought the Swiss were supposed to be peaceful.

Me

I was so looking forward to writing an item laughing at Manchester City or PSG for crashing out despite all their Emirati oil money. For a few glorious minutes after Raphael Onyedika opened the scoring for Brugge against City, it looked like I would get to write it, but no soap. Oh well.