The definitive ranking of every potential Bears head coaching hire

Not sure if you've heard, but the Chicago Bears need a new head coach. Matt Eberflus became the first Bears head coach to ever be fired midseason when he was let go on the day after Thanksgiving, and the Bears impossibly became even worse after he left, losing every game until a Week 18 walk-off field goal at Green Bay.

Ryan Poles is treating this coaching search like the mother of a second-grader that insists that every kid in the class gets an invitation to little Johnny's birthday party. Seriously, it would be quicker to list the people that haven't been asked to interview than to list those that have, but you know what? The Bears aren't in the playoffs, so we've got nothing but time on our hands.

Let's rank every single person that's been asked to interview for the job (except Cowboys coach Mike McCarthy, because Dallas rebuffed Chicago's efforts to interview him. Say thank you to Jerry Jones, Bears fans.), as well as a couple of wild cards that are lurking on the periphery.

18. Mike Kafka

Anytime you have the chance to interview the OC of the 30th-ranked offense in the NFL, you gotta do it, right? Mike Kafka's Giants were unwatchable this year, with only Malik Nabers and Tyrone Tracy Jr. there to attempt to drag them to respectability. The Giants managed only 16.1 points per game, a number that beat only the sad-sack Browns.

Kafka grew up in Chicago and quarterbacked Northwestern, but if local experience was all it took to lead an NFL team, the Bears would be served just as well to hire Chance the Rapper or Derrick Rose instead.

In Kafka's four years as Giants OC, only once has his team finished better than bottom-four in the league in yards and points scored. The Bears can do a lot better for their next head coach.

17. David Shaw

The Bears passed on pursuing Jim Harbaugh last offseason so that they could keep Matt Eberflus for a third year. I guess they're trying now to right the wrong of missing out on a former Stanford head coach by interviewing David Shaw, but it's too little, too late.

Shaw resigned from Stanford in 2022 after posting consecutive 3-9 seasons, and in June he signed on with the Denver Broncos as Senior Personnel Executive. Seeing as the draft and free agency had already happened by that point, his job has been what, exactly?

Shaw has been a quarterbacks coach and a wide receivers coach in the NFL, but never a coordinator, let alone a head coach. This would be an insane hire that would seriously damage the already-fragile mental health of Bears fans.

16. Drew Petzing

Next up is Drew Petzing, the offensive coordinator of the Arizona Cardinals. Petzing is just 37, and his offense improved from below league average last year to 11th in yards and 12th in points this year. For those reasons, it makes sense that the Bears are trying to get in on the ground floor of someone that could be on the cusp of being the next big thing.

What gives me pause is that Kyler Murray has fallen into his same old familiar bad habits of starting hot and finishing terribly. The Cardinals led the NFC West after rolling off four straight wins in late October and early November, but the only games they won the rest of the way were against the lowly Patriots, and a meaningless Week 18 game against a ready-to-go-home 49ers team that didn't even have Brock Purdy in the lineup.

Murray's continued struggles don't bode well for what Petzing could do with Caleb Williams, and the disappointing rookie season of Marvin Harrison Jr. likewise makes me question how he could develop Rome Odunze.

15. Arthur Smith

Arthur Smith is a guy that just isn't going to excite a fanbase. If you need two hands to fit all of your Super Bowl rings like Bill Belichick, that's fine, but when you've never won anything, it's a different story.

As Titans offensive coordinator, Smith rode Derrick Henry all the way to the Falcons head coaching job. Once there, he was the very definition of mediocre, as he went 7-10 three years in a row. Now all of a sudden he's a head coaching candidate again because the Steelers almost, and I stress almost, look competent on offense.

Watching the Steelers is the same slog that watching the Falcons under Smith's leadership was. It's all three yards and a cloud of dust with Najee Harris, underneath passes to Pat Freiermuth and Russell Wilson chucking up the occasional prayer in the hopes that George Pickens is out there somewhere.

In researching Smith's coaching record, I discovered that we went to the same school (UNC) and we have the same birthday, except I'm one year younger. Hire me instead, Ryan Poles.

14. Thomas Brown

I'll admit that when Thomas Brown took over as Bears interim coach following Eberflus' firing, I was excited to see what he could do. His offense had already looked much better than Shane Waldron's in the short time he'd had the interim OC title, but moving up again proved to be a bridge too far.

Brown was thrust into an impossible situation, so I don't put the blame on him for how the Bears looked, but it still wasn't good. His in-game decision-making didn't seem to be much better than Eberflus, which is never something you want to hear, as he did bizarre things like go for two while up seven against the Packers, then kick the extra point instead when a Green Bay penalty gave the Bears half the distance to the goal line.

Brown could be a good head coach some day, but if Poles hires him after the way the team looked in the final month, Bears fans are going to lose their minds.

13. Anthony Weaver

The Miami Dolphins finished top-10 on the league this year in rushing yards allowed, passing yards allowed and points allowed, which is why defensive coordinator Anthony Weaver is getting a look as a head coaching candidate.

The issue I have with Weaver is that although his defense played well, this was only his first year as a DC, and I don't love the idea of someone rising up the coaching ladder that quickly. A larger sample size gives us more information, and hiring Weaver over a couple other defensive coordinators with more experience that we'll get to soon enough, would be akin to taking Mitch Trubisky with the second pick when Deshaun Watson and Patrick Mahomes were still available.

Besides, I'm aligned with most Bears fans in prioritizing offensive creativity and quarterback development above all else at this moment in Bears history, so while I think Weaver could be a good fit somewhere like Las Vegas or Jacksonville, he's just not what the Bears need right now.

12. Jon Gruden

The Bears haven't publicly made any plans to speak with Gruden, but the former Bucs and Raiders coach reportedly has interest in the Bears.

Gruden has rehabbed his reputation after being forced out of Vegas by the timely leak of some damaging emails he sent, but even so, the Bears have never been an organization that would make such a controversial pick.

Part of putting him this high may just be me imagining him making his Chucky faces on the Soldier Field sideline on a 15-degree day, but he is a great football mind, too. Still, he's been out of the coaching game for too long and he didn't exactly replicate his success in Tampa Bay when he got the Raiders job.

11. Lincoln Riley

Caleb Williams' college coach could get a serious look if he's willing to leave USC, but while others might be excited at the prospect of reuniting these Trojans in Chicago, I'm not one of them.

Riley would no doubt be good for Williams' development, as he helped his pupil win a Heisman Trophy during their time together. There are a lot of red flags here too, though, not the least of which is that he's never coached in the NFL before.

Riley's teams have been so defensively deficient that I seriously wonder if he prefers that the other team score as quickly as possible just so he can get the ball back. Bears fans want a modern offense, but we're not equipped to deal with a 45-42 shootout every week.

USC managed to go only 8-5 two years ago, and that was with Caleb Williams playing against a Pac-12 schedule. Their debut in the Big Ten has been even rougher, as they just eked their way to bowl eligibility with a 7-6 record. If Riley is stuggling to win in the Big Ten, how is he going to survive in the NFC North?

10. Pete Carroll

If it comes down to former USC coaches, give me Pete Carroll instead, even if he is 73 years old. If Carroll was 15 years younger, he'd be near the top of this list, but the reality is that the Bears need someone that's going to be with them for the long haul. We did this whole coaching search rodeo three years ago; we don't want to do it again for another decade.

Carroll's Russell Wilson- and Marshawn Lynch-led offenses were always pretty balanced, which I like, and he had a knack for getting the most out of his secondary. Tyrique Stevenson, this would be a good hire for you.

People have this idea that Carroll flamed out at the end of his Seattle tenure, but the truth is that after his first two seasons in charge, the Seahawks had a losing record only once, and even in that 7-10 season, they had a positive point differential.

If Carroll got hired, I'm sure I would talk myself into it, and I do think he could quickly turn around the culture with his energy and can-do positivity. I just know though that a few years from now, we'd be looking for his replacement.

9. Brian Flores

After the job he's done with the Vikings defense, Brian Flores has become one of the hottest potential head coaching hires on the market.

The creativity Flores shows in his defensive playcalling is extremely refreshing after the vanilla looks that Matt Eberflus employed. Flores doesn't have a lot of top-end talent on his defense, but he's getting top-end production anyway by throwing a variety of exotic looks at opposing offenses.

The Bears mandate to develop Caleb Williams makes Flores a tough sell. He wasn't bad from a win-loss perspective in his three years as Dolphins head coach, going 19-14 after a 5-11 debut season, but it's the critical comments made by Tua Tagovailoa that torpedo his candidancy for me. Tua called Flores a "terrible person" and said that he destroyed his confidence. Maybe he's learned from his past mistakes, but the Bears can't risk taking the chance that he hasn't.

8. Kliff Kingsbury

Many Bears fans are intrigued by Kliff Kingsbury. Like Lincoln Riley, the current Commanders offensive coordinator has ties to Caleb Williams, but just as we have no reason to believe that Riley could lead an NFL team to glory, with Kingsbury we've actually seen hard evidence.

Kingsbury coached the Arizona Cardinals for four years, amassing a 28-37-1 record. You know how we mentioned Kyler Murray's affinity for fading in the final months of the season? That was transmitted to him by Kingsbury, who made the late-season bottom-out an art form at Texas Tech and then brought it to Arizona with him.

Kingsbury is undoubtedly a gifted offensive mind, and I sincerely wish the Bears had hired him instead of Shane Waldron this last offseason. His candidacy highlights the pitfalls of placing offensive creativity above all other qualities though. Would I welcome him as offensive coordinator? Absolutely, but that doesn't qualify him to be a head coach when we have years of evidence that he can't do the job.

Kingsbury has talked about learning lessons that would help him do better in his second bite at the NFL head coaching apple, but the most likely way this would end is with him being fired in three years while everyone around the NFL wondered why the Bears ignored all the warning signs. I'd much rather take a chance that a new head coach would get it right the first time than hope a tiger could change his stripes.

7. Liam Coen

Bucs offensive coordinator Liam Coen is only 39, and he's done a great job in getting the most out of Baker Mayfield and the Tampa offense. Mayfield has blown away his career highs in passing yards and touchdowns with 4,500 and 41, respectively, and he's accomplished that even though Chris Godwin was lost for the year in Week 7.

It's not like the Bucs offense has been one-sided, as the emergence of rookie Bucky Irving has made the rushing dimension excellent, as well. The Bucs are top-four in passing yards, rushing yards, total yards and points scored. No other team in the league can say that.

Coen has shown himself to be a creative playcaller, and the fact that Mayfield not only posted a 71.4 completion percentage but also had his best season in terms of yards per attempt proves that Coen would take advantage of Caleb Williams' big arm down the field instead of relying so heavily on the screen game as Shane Waldron and Thomas Brown did.

6. Aaron Glenn

I'm tired of the Bears being so full of excuses, and when I look at Aaron Glenn, I see a guy coaching a defense on a team with Super Bowl aspirations that didn't fold when Aidan Hutchinson, Alim McNeill, Carlton Davis or Alex Anzalone went down. Glenn didn't complain, he didn't make excuses. He just got to work with what he had, and helped the Lions secure the 1-seed in the NFC with a 15-2 record.

The Vikings have had one of the best offenses in the NFL all year, but Glenn's unit put on a clinic in red zone defense in their critical Week 18 matchup. Detroit became the first team to really make Sam Darnold look bad this year, and they held Justin Jefferson to just 54 yards on three catches in the 31-9 beatdown.

Glenn is my favorite of the current crop of defensive coordinators, but he still only gets to sixth on this list because the Bears need an offensive-minded coach first and foremost.

5. Todd Monken

Ravens offensive coordinator Todd Monken hasn't been a head coach since he turned around Southern Miss in the mid-2010s, but he's put together an impressive resume as an offensive coordinator.

Monken won two national championships as the offensive coordinator of the Georgia Bulldogs, and since taking over the Ravens OC role from Greg Roman, he's overseen an offense that has been setting records left and right.

Detractors may say that anyone could put up a lot of points with Lamar Jackson and Derrick Henry, but Monken has to get some credit for just how prolific the Ravens have been. The Ravens lead the league in yards per game, and their 6.85 yards per play average is the third-highest in NFL history.

Offensive talent is not something the Bears are lacking. Someone that has the skill to use it, on the other hand, is. Monken would make great use of Caleb Williams' dual-threat ability, and the success of both Mark Andrews and Isaiah Likely under his leadership tells me he would finally unlock Cole Kmet.

4. Joe Brady

If the Bears are looking for one of the hottest young offensive minds in the game (and they should be), then Joe Brady should get serious consideration. The former Broyles Award winner helped engineer LSU's 2019 national title run by putting together arguably the greatest offense in college football history.

Since becoming the Bills offensive coordinator, Brady has made the offense much more balanced than it was under Ken Dorsey. Josh Allen no longer has to do everything himself because of the way Brady has emphasized the importance of the running game, and that's also allowed him to play his best football. If Allen wins the MVP next month, Brady will be one of the first people he thanks.

There are a few things to love about Brady's offensive philosophy. His teams push the ball down the field, which is what Bears fans want to see after the conservative approach in Caleb Williams' first year, but his quarterbacks don't take many sacks, which is what Bears fans really want to see after Williams was taken down the third-most times in history.

3. Trade for Kyle Shanahan, Sean McVay, or Kevin O'Connell

We've made it this far, so let's get crazy. The chances of the Vikings trading Kevin O'Connell to anyone after the job he's done, let alone a division rival, are zero, but for some reason the rumor is out there. Would the 49ers trade Kyle Shanahan or the Rams trade Sean McVay for a couple of first-round picks? It seems insane, but if they're foolish enough to consider it, the Bears should jump at the chance.

These three coaches have proven to be ahead of the curve when it comes to coaching offense, but not only that, their teams win and like playing for them, as well. Shanahan's creativity in the run game is unmatched. McVay has made stars out of young receivers. O'Connell turned Sam Darnold into a Pro Bowler.

The standard in Halas Hall would be raised the second any of these guys walked in the door. First-round picks are valuable, but they're far from guaranteed to produce great players. Trading a couple away for a sure thing head coach is a no-brainer.

2. Mike Vrabel

I'll eat my hat if Mike Vrabel doesn't end up taking the Patriots job, but just in case he doesn't, he would be a fantastic leader for the Bears. I'm as tired as anyone of the "leader of men" nonsense that keeps getting thrown around in this head coaching search, but let's keep it simple. Vrabel is just a damn good coach, and he's gotten the most out of teams with middling talent.

Vrabel's Tennessee Titans were the 1-seed in the AFC with Ryan Tannehill playing quarterback and an injury-depleted roster. Imagine what he could do with Caleb Williams under center, especially after Ryan Poles uses the Bears' $83 million in cap space to fortify the trenches.

The best case for Vrabel is to see what's happened since Tennessee made the mistake of letting him go. The Titans have the No. 1 pick in the draft thanks to a league-worst 3-14 record caused by playing arguably the sloppiest football in the league. Vrabel is a Super Bowl-winning player and a coaching star, and any team would be lucky to have him.

1. Ben Johnson

Just because the top pick on this list is an obvious one doesn't make it any less fun to think about. The Bears have been linked to Lions offensive coordinator Ben Johnson all year, and they need to go get him.

Johnson's offense is so balanced, so inventive and so fun that Bears fans seriously wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they got to enjoy it each week. The Lions toy with teams, and even on the many occasions when they get a big lead, they don't take the air out of the ball, they go for the kill.

Detroit is uber-aggressive on fourth down. A lot of that clearly comes from head coach Dan Campbell, but he wouldn't be quite so bold if he didn't have Johnson calling the plays.

Johnson has rejuvenated Jared Goff's career. He's gotten major production out of Jameson Williams, who looked like a lost cause after being suspended for six games in 2023. His running attack is unstoppable. The list goes on and on.

Johnson reportedly showed interest in the Bears job last offseason, and it's well known by now how choosy he plans to be if he ever decides to leave Detroit. He's the hottest candidate out there for a reason, and whatever demands he makes when it comes to his contract, the Bears need to be willing to accept.