March Madness All-Name Team Starting 5: Phat Phat, Supreme Cook and your new heroes

It does not matter who you are, where you are from, or what color your jerseys are. As long as you have a great name, I am going to wake up and respect you. When it comes to March Madness, you often have to find new and creative ways to entertain yourself watching every second of a sport most of us do no watch all the time. One of the best ways to do that is to root for guys with unusual names.

Headlining the March Madness All-Name Team are Supreme Cook of the Oregon Ducks and Phat Phat Brooks of the Michigan Wolverines. While I have no idea what positions they play, I do know that they play in the same conference because Oregon came over from the old Pac-12 at the start of this academic year. As for who else rounds out the All-Name Team Starting Five, I might need a minute...

Lo and behold!: Here is what the All-Name Team looks like heading into the NCAA Tournament!

• Supreme Cook (Oregon Ducks)
• Phat Phat Brooks (Michigan Wolverines)
• Darlinstone Dubar (Tennessee Volunteers)
• Solo Ball (UConn Huskies)
• Kimo Ferrari (San Diego State Aztecs)
• Dusty Stromer (Gonzaga Bulldogs)
• Federiko Federiko (Texas Tech Red Raiders)
• Blue Cain (Georgia Bulldogs)
• Kai Yu (Liberty Flames)
• Townsend Tripple (BYU Cougars)
• Boogie Fland (Arkansas Razorbacks)
• Money Williams (Montana Grizzlies)
• Nelly Junior Joseph (New Mexico Lobos)
• Styles Phipps (Grand Canyon Antelopes)
• Bez Mbeng (Yale Bulldogs)
• Blaze Angellotti (Saint Francis Red Flash)

And if you want a visual representation of what the All-Name Team looks like, FanDuel had our back.

As for Blaze Angellotti and Kimo Ferrari, you are this year's Augustus Gloops. We barely knew ya...

Picking out the perfect All-Name Team Starting Five for March Madness

I am going to be totally honest with you. You as a human being have the right to pick any five players from this list above of your choosing, so long as Supreme Cook and Phat Phat Brooks make the list. They are unanimous All-Name Team First-Team All-Americans. As for the other three players, you can actually make a lineup that works, or one that has the best names humanly possible for this exercise.

Of the players up for grabs for the last three spots, I am considering Darlistone Dubar of Tennessee, Solo Ball of UConn, Blue Cain of Georgia, Townsend Tripple of BYU, Money Williams of Montana and Nelly Junior Joseph of New Mexico. Under no circumstances should Kai Yu of Liberty make the All-Name Starting Five. We do not need some bald precocious French Canadian brat ruining everything!

Now that I been able to rack my brain just a bit, here is who I am putting on the All-Name Starting Five.

• Supreme Cook (Oregon Ducks)
• Phat Phat Brooks (Michigan Wolverines)
• Blue Cain (Georgia Bulldogs)
• Solo Ball (UConn Huskies)
• Money Williams (Montana Grizzlies)

Since my beloved Georgia Bulldogs are in the NCAA Tournament for the first time in a decade, I had to roll with my boy Blue Cain. You're my boy, Blue! Joining him in the Starting Five are Solo Ball and Money Williams. I went with Solo Ball because if I did not pick him, he would be taking his ball and going home. Is he a Big Baller? No idea, don't care. Also, Money Williams seems like he knows things...

While I feel my All-Name Starting Five should be able to score points, it's all a game in a name anyway.