Who does not love pain? It is a critical component of being a fanatical supporter of any sports teams. Fan is short for fanatic, so we should never lose sight of that. While winning can be pure elation, what if your favorite team rarely comes through for you? Life is not fair, and neither is the business of professional sports. So what better way to realize that than through ESPN's Sports Misery Index?!
The best way to explain ESPN's Sports Misery Index is find out how miserable your respective teams are making you feel. In the past, exercises like this have focused on sports regions and metropolises. With this nifty, little feature, you can customize it to fit your exact sports rooting fandoms by teams. It takes into account things like regular season and playoff success, as well as any team's expectations.
Here is a breakdown of each tier in which all 30 MLB teams will inevitably fall into in this exercise.
- Elated: 0-19
- Pleasant: 20-39
- Meh: 40-59
- Flailing: 60-79
- Woeful: 80-100
Obviously, the lower the number, the more enjoyable rooting for said baseball team has been for you. You can adjust the duration of your fandom, based on how long this has been your team. Ranges include less than five years, between five and 15 years, and more than 15 years. For the sake of simplicity in this exercise, I am not going to factor in any annual component into any of these ratings.
Now that you have a rudimentary idea of what the misery index is about, let's get into the standings!
MLB standings based on ESPN's Sports Misery Index
Let's start with the American League East first, then make our way through the National League West.
AL East
Here is how the American League East standings would look today based solely on the misery index.
- Boston Red Sox: 21 (66-56)
- New York Yankees: 60 (64-57)
- Tampa Bay Rays: 70 (59-63)
- Toronto Blue Jays: 86 (71-51)
- Baltimore Orioles: 87 (55-66)
When looking at the AL East, I see a bunch of teams who have not won a World Series in quite a while. The Boston Red Sox are in first place because they have the most recent title in 2018 and are playing surprisingly good baseball. 2009 is ancient history for the New York Yankees. The Tampa Bay Rays have never won one. While it may be the Toronto Blue Jays year, it is not the Baltimore Orioles at all...
While the AL East is more miserable than not, there are others in baseball with far worse dispositions.
AL Central
Here is how the American League Central would shake out, based entirely on ESPN's misery index.
- Kansas City Royals: 54 (60-61)
- Cleveland Guardians: 72 (63-57)
- Detroit Tigers: 84 (71-52)
- Minnesota Twins: 88 (57-64)
- Chicago White Sox: 95 (44-77)
While the Kansas City Royals have the most recent championship of anyone in the division, that was a decade ago. The Cleveland Guardians have been the epitome of close, but no cigar. It has been over 40 years since the Detroit Tigers last won a World Series. The Minnesota Twins are cursed for what they did in 1991. As for the Chicago White Sox, 2005 feels like that happened on another timeline...
The AL Central's lack of a true perennial powerhouse is why this division is so perpetually miserable.
AL West
To round out the American League, let's take a look at what the AL West has to offer in this exercise.
- Houston Astros: 0 (68-53)
- Texas Rangers: 22 (61-61)
- Athletics: 88 (54-69)
- Seattle Mariners: 89 (67-55)
- Los Angeles Angels: 93 (59-62)
Seeing the Houston Astros with a 0 rating is laughable. Of course, it is pure elation for them! While the Texas Rangers won their first world championship two years ago, that is quickly moving into the rearview mirror. For the Athletics to be in third place, a team without a city, that speaks volumes. The Seattle Mariners have never been to a World Series. The Los Angeles Angels are clinging onto 2002.
The AL West epitomizes the rich getting richer, while the paupers will get left in the dust, per usual.
NL East
Now that we are onto the Senior Circuit, let's see what the NL East standings can tell us right now.
- Atlanta Braves: 30 (53-68)
- Washington Nationals: 47 (49-72)
- Philadelphia Phillies: 73 (69-52)
- New York Mets: 80 (64-57)
- Miami Marlins: 94 (58-63)
The Atlanta Braves only being at 30 is a testament to how frustrating the last few years have been for the team who won the division's most recent title in 2021. The Washington Nationals have been awful since winning it all in 2019. The Philadelphia Phillies have been good, but have not won on since 2008. There is no return from '86 for the New York Mets. Miami Marlins fans are almost always down bad...
World championships do come to this division, but they never seem to result in bunches for a team.
NL Central
How does the National League Central standings look, based solely on ESPN's Sports Misery Index?
- St. Louis Cardinals: 52 (61-61)
- Chicago Cubs: 53 (68-52)
- Milwaukee Brewers: 82 (76-44)
- Cincinnati Reds: 92 (64-58)
- Pittsburgh Pirates: 92 (51-71)
What caught my eye with the NL Central is how tightly packed it is. Only one point separates the two least miserable teams in the St. Louis Cardinals and Chicago Cubs. Both have won championships in the last 15 years. While the Milwaukee Brewers have never won one, they have been of quality for the last decade-plus. The Cincinnati Reds and the Pittsburgh Pirates have really been through it of late...
I did not expect for this to happen, but the NL Central is almost as miserable as its AL counterpart is.
NL West
And finally, here is what you need to now about the NL West when it comes to overall fandom pain!
- Los Angeles Dodgers: 0 (68-53)
- San Francisco Giants: 13 (59-62)
- Arizona Diamondbacks: 77 (60-62)
- San Diego Padres: 87 (69-52)
- Colorado Rockies: 95 (32-89)
The Los Angeles Dodgers live in a world of pure bliss, just like the Houston Astros in the AL West. I am surprised to see the San Francisco Giants ranked so high. It must be winning three in five years under Bruce Bochy from 2010 to 2014... As for the Arizona Diamondbacks, the San Diego Padres, and the Colorado Rockies, it is all varying shades of miserable, from bad, to bleak, to pure agony.
No division has a wide range on the misery index than the 95 between Los Angeles and Colorado.