Late last month, it was announced that the Portland Trail Blazers were being sold to a group led by Tom Dundon. Unfortunately, Dundon is already making national headlines, and it is for all the wrong reasons.
To put it bluntly, Dundon is coming off cheap, and not in the little kid selling lemonade on the street to put money in his piggy bank kind of way. No, we're talking about the penny-pinching tactics you read about in novels exposing corporate greed.
Some offenses include — not bringing two-way players (who are ineligible to play in the postseason) to road playoff games. They're not eligible to play in the postseason but every other team brings them along as a means of player development and team-building. And then there was making staff wait around in hotel lobbies instead of paying for late checkout. And finally, commenting that he wants to pay the team's next head coach $1.5 million annually. The media coaching salary in the NBA is reportedly about $7 million and the lowest salary is just over $1 million. Broadcasting that your salary range starts at the bottom of the barrel isn't going to help attract top talent.
So, to help Ebenezer Scrooge in his quest to ruin the Blazers, here are a couple more tongue-in-cheek ways he could save a few bucks.
1. Flying Spirit Airlines instead of charters
Given that the NBA is a multi-billion dollar industry, most teams travel on private charter planes through partnerships with industry leads like Delta Air Lines or JetBlue. Some organizations even have their own private jets for players to travel in.
But hey, only 1.14 planes per one million flights crash. So, why would you spend money on a prestigious travel when you could just fly through Spirit Airlines for a fraction of the cost? Sure, they are currently seeking financial aid from the government, but what better way to boost a struggling company than to have them partner with a professional NBA team?
2. Reversible home and away jerseys
Today's NBA teams have way too many jerseys. Back in the day, every team had two jerseys. A white one for home games, and one featuring the team's primary colors for road contests. Nowadays, you can see a game with neither team even wearing white.
We need to get back to the old ways. Better yet, what if we started wearing uniforms that were reversible so you would only need one jersey for home and away games?
I know what you are thinking, but what happens if a player rips their jersey or gives it to a fan? Simple, make them pay for a new one! After all, if you break it you buy it!
3. Make Jrue Holiday a player coach
As we alluded to earlier, Dundon doesn't want to break the bank with his next head coach. So, why not just hire one of the players you are already paying to play for you to be the coach? I mean, the Boston Celtics did it with Bill Russell, and they won NBA championships, so who are we to hate on it?
If he decides to go down this route, Jrue Holiday is the clear choice. He is the oldest player on the team (35) and is the only one on the roster to win an NBA Championship (one with the Milwaukee Bucks, and one with the Boston Celtics). We already have two NBA coaches under 40 (Joe Mazzulla and Will Hardy). So, why not add a third one?
4. Have players pay for snacks/drinks
Remember that scene in Moneyball when we found out the Oakland Athletics were making their players play for food/drinks in vending machines? The idea is pretty genius when you think about, right?
Think about how much we as people tend to waste things when we don't pay for them. Like when you are on a plane, don't you always grab that free pair of headphones even when you don't need it? The same goes with food. Players will be way more careful about what they eat when they have to pay for it.
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