Arkansas needs to avoid one all-too-obvious trap while replacing Sam Pittman

If you ever wanted proof that we're living in a simulation and nothing matters, just know that the year is 2025, and Bobby Petrino is once again the head coach at Arkansas. This is the real-world equivalent of Verbal Kint going back for one last police station interview after being outed as Keyser Soze, or Sidney Prescott continuing to date Billy Loomis after finding out he was Ghostface.

Petrino was named the Razorbacks' interim head coach after the school fired Sam Pittman on Sunday. Job security is a rare thing when you're an SEC football coach, and to his credit, Pittman saw the writing on the wall after Arkansas was blown out by 43 points at home to a Notre Dame team that entered the day 1-2. "If I was a fan, I'd be mad at me, too," he said following the defeat. He promised to keep fighting as long as he was the coach, but said, "Hell, I'm mad at me, to be perfectly honest."

Pittman's firing was a long time coming. He was just 20-23 in his last four seasons, and his only wins this year were against Alabama A&M and Arkansas St. Arkansas is already looking for his full-time replacement, but they need to make sure that they don't remove the interim tag from Petrino under any circumstances.

Arkansas is making a big mistake by putting its program in Bobby Petrino's greasy hands again

Former Utah State athletic director Scott Barnes once said, "Athletics are the front porch of the university." If that's true, then Petrino isn't the kind of guy you want greeting visitors with a pitcher of lemonade. I know this is a strong statement to make, but I think Petrino is the least trustworthy man in sports. His Wikipedia page reads like George R.R. Martin wrote it, with backstabbings, lies and betrayal at every stop along his itinerant career. You thought the Red Wedding was bad? Walder Frey's got nothing on this guy.

Petrino hopes that people have forgetten about his many indiscretions and deceits, but the North remembers, my friend. Who can wipe the image of the married father of four looking like a bruised tomato in a neck brace as he attempted to cover up his affair with a staffer half his age after crashing his motorcycle?

Ask Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank if he'd give Petrino a character reference after he resigned as Falcons coach to take the Arkansas job in the first place. In fairness, Blank shouldn't have been surprised at Petrino's lack of loyalty, because he left Louisville just a few months after signing a 10-year contract to take the Falcons job.

Petrino had allegedly given his word to Blank less than 24 hours earlier that he was committed to the Falcons, but there he was leading chants of "Woo Pig Sooie" at his introductory press conference while his former Falcons players found out about his resignation by reading a note taped to their lockers.

Petrino is an utter embarrassment, and he's proven time and time again that the only thing he truly cares about is himself. He took the UNLV offensive coordinator job in 2021, then ditched it three weeks later to take the same position at Texas A&M. Sorry Running Rebels, College Station has better benefits.

Ten years ago, FanSided published an article entitled "Bobby Petrino has worn out his welcome ... everywhere." Five years later, we wrote another one that asked "Why do college football teams keep hiring Bobby Petrino?" Here we are again in our quinquennial tradition. How does he keep doing it?

To go back to George R.R. Martin, Petrino's closest fictional equivalent is Littlefinger, the conniving puppetmaster who nearly pulled his strings all the way to the Iron Throne. Littlefinger would turn on anyone to help his own cause, and he loved nothing more than getting close to someone so that he could slip the knife in all the easier. He once said that chaos is a ladder, meaning he could use someone else's turmoil to improve his own station. It looks like Petrino's done it again.

When Petrino came back to Arkansas as the Razorbacks' OC in 2023, the writing was already on the wall for Pittman. It's no surprise that Pittman was fired given his difficulties in recent years, but it's baffling that Arkansas would willingly turn to Petrino in its hour of need. It might be one thing if Petrino had pulled his shenanigans elsewhere and Arkansas' leadership felt that the reports weren't to be believed. That's not at all the case, though.

Petrino stood on Arkansas' front porch and showed the whole world his ass, embarrassing the entire university in the process. Nothing he's done since has indicated that he's changed in any way. Woo pig, what are you thinking?

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