College football fans roast Auburn for retroactive title grab

God might be an Auburn fan, but so might have Dr. Evil's late fasha... To quote the evil mad scientist from the Austin Powers trilogy, discussing the ramblings of his thought-to-be, eccentric Belgian father, "My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark." Only in the State of Alabama can you claim national titles that were never yours.

Auburn channeled its inner little brother energy by doing what Alabama did, and has done, for years. In the lead-up to this season, Auburn football has announced that it will not only retire Cam Newton's jersey, but will claim four additional national titles that the utterly toothless NCAA recognizes. For those who played on the 1910, 1914, 1958 and 2004 Auburn teams, your legacy lives on forever now.

I will get to it in just a second, but Tom Fornelli's quote tweet of On3's post on the matter says it best. The college football analyst for CBS Sports wrote, "Know how I know Auburn isn't liking what it sees in camp?" This is a team that really needs to go 8-4. Otherwise, noted golf guy coach Hugh Freeze will be out of The Plains in a fit of YellaWood rage faster than Tim Cook can raise the price on an iPhone.

This only goes to show it is impossible for Auburn to claim one since Newton last played for them...

Noted Auburn sympathizer Barrett Sallee is deflecting, but the rest of the sport is laughing at them.

Alabama has claimed titles before, but the Crimson Tide have won three College Football Playoffs...

Auburn Tigers fail to read the room in claiming four more national titles

Even though Auburn is a bitter rival of my alma mater or Georgia, I hold the Tigers' proud football history in high regard. While they have been down for the better part of a decade now, Auburn is one of the few programs in the country you can regularly contend for national titles at. It may not happen every year, but Auburn should be able to sell its players on a season of a lifetime every four seasons.

As Auburn claimed these four national titles, while the last few Michigan truthers begun to stop doing cartwheels in the streets because one's hands can only get so calloused before they hurt, let's look at what the Tigers' three biggest rivals have done since the last time Auburn really did anything of note. Between Alabama, Georgia and LSU, they have won six of the first 11 College Football Playoffs.

While Auburn did play for the final BCS National Championship in 2013, the Tigers have never made the playoff before in 11 chances. Honestly, I am shocked Auburn did not claim a 10th national title because they were this close to beating Jameis Winston and Florida State some dozen years ago. I hope Auburn gets back to good soon because this is just embarrassing for War Eagle Nation, people.

It all starts by beating Alabama and Georgia at home every so often, which is no longer happening.

More college football news and analysis: