The Philadelphia Eagles are practicing, adding depth cornerbacks, and just being an all-around well-run and awesome football team. Meanwhile, the Commanders are trying to decide which 29-year-old wide receiver will be their WR1, and the Cowboys are going out of their way to disparage their generational edge rusher.
Last Friday, August 1st, Micah Parsons put out a statement saying that he has requested a trade from the Cowboys. It’s all because Jerry Jones yanked Parsons’ chain, insulted him, avoided his agent in negotiations, and was once again showing how he’s one of the worst owners and general managers in all of professional sports.
Ugly negotiations with elite players are run-of-the-mill stuff for the Big D. Luckily, no matter how this ends, it’s going to be a good thing. This is the perfect situation because there’s a way to spin every single outcome as a positive for Eagles fans.
No one loves a messy situation more than Jerry Jones
There are a lot of bad teams in the NFL, but no one embarrasses themselves more than the Dallas Cowboys. Even teams like the Browns try to make moves to be more competitive, but the Cowboys are owned and operated by a guy who functions purely off of vanity.
Because of that, his hyper-competitive players get strung along and made to look like fools. That was fine for guys like Zack Martin, CeeDee Lamb, and Dak Prescott because they’re not super vocal people… whereas Micah Parsons is just about as outspoken as you can get. On top of that, he’s about 1,000 times better at his job than Lamb and Prescott and 1.5 times as good as Martin was.
Thank you Dallas 🦁👑 🙏🏾! I pic.twitter.com/EUnEj9uRUt
— Micah Parsons (@MicahhParsons11) August 1, 2025
Now that everything has come to a head with Micah and the Cowboys, it’s time to speculate what could happen with him and how that affects everyone else.
There’s a chance that he gets traded to the Eagles. As a matter of fact, that’s the second most likely outcome based on DraftKings Sportsbook’s odds (+1000). Listen, I think it would be awesome if he were in Vic Fangio’s defense this season, but it’s just not worth it.
Besides having to pay the dude insane amounts of money, he’s going to cost at least a couple of first-round picks and maybe Nolan Smith or Jalyx Hunt. Then you bring in the drama aspect and how former Cowboys end up stinking when they become Eagles, and I just want no part of it.
These are four other outcomes (and an awesome bonus) of the Micah Parsons situation, ranked on how good they would be for the Eagles and society in general.
1. Micah signs with the Cowboys
Micah re-signing with the Cowboys is the worst outcome, but it’s still good. Also, it’s the one that’s most likely to happen (-300 on DraftKings Sportsbook). It’s obviously the worst because it means that Micah stays in the division for (probably) a long time. Other than that? Buddy, it’s all good.
Jerry Jones waits until the last minute to sign his players so that he can pay them the most money, unnecessarily making the Cowboys the most expensive sports franchise in the world. That’s all the guy cares about, and there’s no reason to think that he’s ever going to change the way he does business.
Every single time Jerry does an uber-delayed signing/extension, it’s positive reinforcement. You would hope that this is the time the chickens come home to roost, and Micah punishes him for all the dumb decisions that he makes…
BUT, if Jerry can pull off a deal with Micah, it’s going to be a level of positive reinforcement, the likes of which this world has never seen. And it’ll only make him more likely to do something like this, or even more egregious, in the future.
On top of that, the Cowboys don’t understand the salary cap or how to build a team, so signing Micah for $42 million or more per year is going to put them in a hilariously self-imposed, terrible spot with the salary cap.
2. Micah plays out the last season on his contract
There’s also a possibility that Micah Parsons doesn’t get an extension and plays this season (the last season on his fifth-year option) to make it a contract year. This would stink because the Eagles would have to see him two times this season, but the content would be awesome.
He wouldn’t hold back on anyone. If the offense is in a slump but their defense is working, he’d be incredibly vocal about it. Everyone likes to dump on the Cowboys, and it’d be delicious if that dumping was coming from the inside.
The best thing that could come of this would be a loophole that Pro Football Talk’s Mike Florio pointed out: “For a player in the last year of his contract, his obligation ends with the final game of the regular season. Which means that he can walk out at the start of the postseason (or at any point during the playoffs) with no contractual consequence…”
Woof. On one hand, I want the Cowboys to ultimately fail week in and week out until the end of time… On the other hand, there would be nothing funnier than the Cowboys making it to the precipice of the postseason, only for their best player to say, ‘Yeah, nah. Actually, I’m out. You know I don’t mean this, but good luck.’
3. Micah gets traded to the AFC North
If Micah gets traded, the best option is definitely outside the division, preferably outside of the conference, and hopefully to an out-of-conference division that the Eagles don’t have to play for another three years.
That’d be the AFC North. The NFC East played that division last season, and they won’t have to play them again until 2028. It’d be the most fun if he went to the Browns (who have two 2026 first-round picks), that way he and Myles Garrett could take turns drying each other's tears with $100 bills.
Also, everyone likes Jim Schwartz, and it’d probably be cool if he had the best defensive line in the NFL.
4. Micah sits out
The best-case scenario is if Micah decides to sit out this season and enter free agency in 2026. It’s one thing to just throw this option out there for any player, but it’s different for Micah because it wouldn’t be the first time he sat out a season.
He was drafted in the first round of the 2021 draft, but just like Ja’Marr Chase, he sat out the 2020 college football season, so there is a precedent for Micah to do something like this. Obviously, the stakes are different here because the 2020 season was before the NIL thing, so he wasn’t getting paid, and now he’s getting paid $24 million… but still, there’s a chance this happens, albeit an incredibly slim one.
If this happens, you would hope that he ends up going to one of the AFC teams (like the Ravens, the Bills, or the Bengals) that are perennial contenders who can’t get over a Patrick Mahomes-sized hump.
BONUS: Dez Bryant fights a registered sex offender
There’s a side of this Micah Parsons v. Jerry Jones battle that is getting a little outshined, and that’s a beef between Nicki Minaj and Dez Bryant… because why not?
Nicki Minaj hates ROC Nation (the Jay-Z company), and former Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant was a ROC Nation athlete. So when Dez Bryant started tweeting and talking about this whole Micah Parsons thing, Nicki Minaj kicked down the doors and got in the conversation on behalf of Jerry Jones and the Cowboys.
She dropped a nuke and brought up the allegations that Dez Bryant assaulted his mom. In response to that, Dez dropped his own nuke and reminded Minaj that her husband, Kenneth Petty, is a registered sex offender. THEN Minaj offered Bryant (a professional athlete) $10 million to fight her husband (not a professional athlete), which Bryant accepted…
So yeah, just a normal day in Cowboys world. What a time to be alive. Long live Jerry Jones.