10 college football stadiums that are absolutely begging to be renamed

While NFL stadiums are as corporate as they are increasingly generic, I like the fact that many majestic college football cathedrals across the country have increasingly ridiculous names. The Alabama Crimson Tide used to play at Denny Stadium. Now, they play at Bryant-Denny. With Nick Saban's retirement, you better believe that Alabama was swift in attaching his name to it, aight. Nick Saban Field at Bryant-Denny Stadium has a ring to it.

Inspired by the renaming in Tuscaloosa, I've decided to have a little fun at the expense of 10 college football programs. Your stadiums' names either stink, or could be improved greatly with the help of yours truly. Sure, some people have this thing called "pride," so I doubt these brilliant suggestions stick. But it's all about having a great time at the end of the day, man.

10. FBC Mortgage Stadium (UCF Knights)

I don't know if UCF can call it George O'Leary Field or Daunte Culpepper Stadium just yet, but let's peel away the corporate schlock that is FBC Mortgage Stadium with something better. Let's keep the Bounce House and add an exciting twist with their current head coach who likes to move it, move it—and who just might move it at the end of the year. Let's go, boys! Let's break it down with Gus Malzahn!

My favorite thing about Malzahn besides his affinity for Waffle House, visors, sweater vests and his hurry-up-and-run offense is how he made us never forget that he once worked at a Christian school in his native Arkansas back in the 1990s. His unforgettable rendition of "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer is what that decade was about! Since Auburn will be sponsored by YellaWood, I offer this: Why go to Disney World, SeaWorld or Universal Studios when you can go to Gus' Bounce House?

Gus Malzahn U Can't Touch This Stadium LIVE! from the Bounce House

9. Alumni Stadium (Boston College Eagles)

Let's be real. The Boston College Eagles need to add a little spice to their stadium name. Alumni Stadium is about as bland as Matt Ryan's food palate. He infamously loves him some cheese pizza, and when he is feeling dangerous, he puts some rainbow sprinkles on his vanilla ice cream. You are living large, brother! Matty Ice forever! But what about honoring their lone Heisman Trophy winner?

Doug Flutie is one of the greatest humans under 6-feet to ever exist. Napoleon Bonaparte would have loved the guy, but nobody ever threw a greater Hail Mary in their life than Flutie himself. While we could honor many balding Hasselbecks or the tackling machine that was Luke Kuechley, let's go with the killer combo of Ryan and Flutie to allow these Eagles to soar ever higher. No way this will happen. Alumni Stadium is far less offensive and much easier to say, but it's quite bland for my extravagant taste. Let's go with:

The Doug Flutie Chute Full of Matt Ryan's Vanilla Ice Cream Scoops

8. Albertsons Stadium (Boise State Broncos)

If I can't force the Florida Gators to play at George Jenkins Publix Where Shopping is a Pleasure Field, then why do the Boise State Broncos have to play at a stadium sponsored by a grocery store? I understand that Albertsons is local, but I have never been to one, and this offends me more than Boise State's blue turf ever could. Birds flock to it. It's the place to be, like Hagrid's hut at Hogwarts.

So what I suggest is naming the venue after the best head coach who ever coached there. I love me some Dirk Koetter, respect Dan Hawkins, and Bryan Harsin can kick rocks, so I choose you, Chris Petersen. Let's start by honoring the blue playing surface for what it is, which is delectable Smurf Turf, bruh! From there, you just have to build out the name to make it fit the field fit for a flock of birds. I am sure Chris Petersen will blush after seeing this name, but he needs to be treated as a legend!

Chris Petersen Smurf Turf & Surf Playing Surface, Sponsored by Famous Idaho Potatoes

7. Arizona Stadium (Arizona Wildcats)

While I have been to this most glorious state twice, I have mostly had my head in The Valley of the Sun. I understand things are different down south, but I want Phoenicians and Tucsonians to know that I have their best interest at heart. It is why I am requesting former Wildcats star Rob Gronkowski to make this a weekly pool party.

The future Pro Football Hall of Famer of New England Patriots and Tampa Bay Buccaneers fame once said that the sole reason he left his native Buffalo to go play at U of A was for the epic pool parties. Honestly, I respect him even more for it. Although Jedd Fisch has left for a place where it never stops raining, you can never blame it on the rain when you're having a good time where there is no rain.

I would love nothing more than for Gronk and Wilbur the Wildcat to dive into a pool after touchdowns. Let's keep it simple:

Rob Gronkowski's Pool Party at Arizona Stadium

6. Kroger Field at C.M. Newton Grounds (Kentucky Wildcats)

There are three things I want for the state of Kentucky. One of which is political, so I won't go there. Shout out to the Frozen King! As for the other two, I want there to be an NBA franchise located in Louisville, so we can get the Kentucky Colonels back in our lives. Hashtag Get Buckets! They would play at the YUM! Center, but I am also looking out for the fine folks over in Lexington. I've got you guys.

Rather than play at some Kroger Field or Commonwealth Stadium, let's pay proper tribute to the Hefty Lefty, the Pillsbury Throwboy himself, the late, great Jared Lorenzen. Those of us of a certain generation will never forget how captivatingly great of a player he was. Kentucky wasn't all that good, but we knew greatness when we saw it in real time. People like Lorenzen are why we all love this sport. I have been to what was Commonwealth Stadium before, and I will go back if this is its new moniker. I have been to what was Commonwealth Stadium before, and I will go back if this is its new moniker.

Jared Lorenzen Memorial Kentucky Fried Chicken Bluegrass Stadium

5. L&N Federal Credit Union Stadium (Louisville Cardinals)

I would love nothing more than for the University of Louisville to separate itself from the scum of the universe that the Men in Black have long tried to protect us from. No Pitinos, no Petrinos, no Papa Johns, no problem. While we could rename whatever the name of the stadium the Cardinals play at now after The Greatest in Muhammad Ali, what about two former Louisville quarterbacks of note?

Lamar Jackson is one of the most exciting football players I have ever covered in my writing career. Everybody loves the dude, and I think it would be utterly sweet to rename the stadium after him. Of course, the man is humble and wouldn't do it without the blessing of Johnny Unitas' family. Which is why they need to have both former Cardinals quarterbacks honored together to remind us of excellence. Unless your last name is Manning, it's hard to top this dynamic duo that Louisville has at its disposal.

Lamar Jackson Big Truss Stadium at Johnny Unitas Field

4. California Memorial Stadium (California Golden Bears)

Cal needs to start having fun again. The Pac-12 may be cooked, but the Golden Bears had a place in the ACC, alongside arch rival Stanford. While neither Bay Area school has really made college football a priority in recent years, let's inject some fun into Cal football because football is supposed to be fun, right? I can't think of a former Cal football player who embodies fun quite like Marshawn Lynch does.

Remember when he commandeered that golf cart in undergrad on the field of play? Remeber when he was about that action, boss? Who could ever forget him running 17 Power to perfection to shock the New Orleans Saints with Beast Quake? He may only show up so he won't get fined, but you can taste the rainbow at this most glorious rebranded name for Cal's football stadium. All of those tightwads chilling up in Tightwad Hill are not going to believe what they are about to see:

Marshawn Lynch Field at Taste the Rainbow Stadium, right next to Tightwad Hill

3. SHI Stadium (Rutgers Scarlet Knights)

Rutgers is supposed to be the birthplace of college football. It may be true, but they rarely lean into it. For decades, this has not been one of the most successful programs in the country. It shouldn't be that hard because New Jersey has plenty of great high school programs across the state. However, one man has been able to be a unifier in Piscataway. No, it's not the guys from Looking Glass, Brandy.

That would be their past, present and future head coach Greg Schiano. He may have been terrible in the NFL leading the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. And Tennessee fans certainly didn't want him. But you know what? It just kind of works for him at Rutgers. It may be harder than ever for him to win big now that the Scarlet Knights are in the Big Ten, but they have earned their spot in the Power Four for sure. They have one!

There's a port on a western bay where you can watch the Scarlet Knights all play. Rutgers say Brandy!

Greg Schiano's Looking Glass Stadium, Sponsored by Waste Management and Brandy

2. Boone Pickens Stadium (Oklahoma State Cowboys)

The late T. Boone Pickens pretty much decided one day that he didn't want his alma mater's football program to stink anymore. So he invested an absurd amount of money into Oklahoma State football. Over the past 25 years, I can safely say that the Pokes are routinely one of the best 25 programs in the country, thanks in large to one man. No, it is not the late billionaire, but a man who once was 40, too.

That would be the ineffable Mike Gundy, who has been 100 percent unapologetically himself since probably birth. He was the quarterback when the Cowboys were good in the 1980s with Thurman Thomas and Barry Sanders. Since taking over for Les Miles in 2005, he has won Bedlam a few times, the Big 12 once and has made us actually care about all that is going on in Stillwater on the gridiron. The vibes the man puts out are tremendous, only to be backed up by how good of a head coach he is.

Mike Gundy's Business in the Front, Party in the Backyard at Boone Pickens Stadium

1. Jones AT&T Stadium (Texas Tech Red Raiders)

I don't care if y'all did him dirty, make it right for him in the afterlife. Mike Leach is no longer with us, and the best thing to happen to college football, arguably ever, needs to be honored every day and twice on Saturday. He is not eligible for the College Football Hall of Fame because of bureaucratic winning percentage nonsense. Texas Tech, Washington State and Mississippi State all know the truth.

The man lived to raid air, so let's dedicate the same air where the rampant tortillas fly as the Mike Leach Airspace. AT&T can remain as the sponsor, so long as their communications network can help direct traffic of both footballs and tortillas. Let's be real, Texas Tech. If y'all don't honor Leach first like this, either Washington State or Mississippi State will beat you to the punch and you will look stupid.

Don't let Craig James get in the way of a good idea. Forever swing your sword to honor The Pirate.

Mike Leach Airspace at Jones AT&T Tortilla Traffic Control Center