A's gift to players to celebrate relocation screams cheap

The Oakland A's are the rootinest, tootinest, cheapest franchise on the face of the earth. Despite having all that Gap money, John Fisher makes the octogenarian owner of the Cincinnati Bengals Mike Brown look like Harry Dunne and Lloyd Christmas during a silly little weekend in Aspen. Instead of handing out his players crisp $100 bills, he gave his players cheap cowboy boots he got for free.

Yes, ahead of last year's announcement that the A's were in fact relocating from Oakland to Las Vegas, Fisher's price on giving his players a consolation prize came across as unfathomably cheap. Former big-league pitcher Trevor May was on the 2023 A's. He said that one day waiting at their locker was a pair of cheap cowboy boots that were manufactured by a branch of Gap, Inc. Unreal...

To make matters even worse, May's boots didn't even fit him. It didn't matter that he was not a cowboy boots-wearing guy, but the fact the A's couldn't even get his shoe size right is utterly pathetic. Honestly, a pair of Barbie boots for a Ken doll would have probably been a better gift. Then again, Fisher would have actually had to pay for it, since his family does not own the iconic Mattel brand.

This story is as funny as it is sad. Can somebody else buy the team when they move it to Las Vegas?

This is one step lower than selling your own kidney to make five bucks. What a freaking cheapskate!

Oakland A's owner gave players cowboy boots that cost him nothing

For a franchise that has more full-grown rats in attendance than paying human spectators, this is not the least bit surprising. To quote a line from the iconic Bay Area punk rock quintet Green Day's majestic masterpiece, American Idiot: "Nobody likes you. Everyone left you. They're all out without you. Having fun." Nobody likes that "Letterbomb" you dropped in the locker room you never renovate.

In the day and age of boycotting brands, The Gap is clearly evil. I have been unintentionally boycotting The Gap for decades now, merely for style reasons. I am going to take all of my hard-earned money to Old Navy to stick it to the man! Oh, wait. Old Navy is owned by the same conglomerate that owns The Gap. At this point, I might as well thrift all of my clothes, to be honest.

But even if I did that, I would still end up spending more for somebody else's previously worn clothes than Fisher has ever spent in his life. This will be the third time the Athletics will be moving to another metropolis. Bred in cheapness, they left Philadelphia for Kansas City. And for similar, yet slightly eccentric reasons Charlie Finley brought the team from KC to the Bay. Just rebrand the franchise...

The only acceptable name for the Oakland Athletics playing in Las Vegas are the Las Vegas Boots.