A’s new name for Sacramento residency is truly the most boring option

2024 will be the last year of the Oakland Athletics, but we are still four away from them moving to Las Vegas. Owner John Fisher did not mind The Gap as an heir of The Gap, who somehow found a way to make a complete and utter joke of the Bay Area's second MLB franchise. While I understand that the City of Oakland has made things difficult to stay and play ball, Fisher is Clark Hunt levels of cheap...

Evan Drellich and Ken Rosenthal of The Athletic wrote about the A's brief relocation to Sacramento for the 2025 through 2027 MLB seasons. They will play at Sutter Health Park, which hosts the Triple-A affiliate of the regional rival San Francisco Giants, owned by Vivek Ranadive. In between Stauskas and Las Vegas, you end up in somewhere called Sacramende, home of sacred NINJA loans.

When asked by Drellich if the team will be known as the Sacramento A's during their three-year residency in the Californian capital, the answer to that would be, "no." They will be called The Athletics or The A's, and they will like it! While we did in fact live in a world where Washington did indeed have a Football Team, I command this awful baseball team to give us a city or state before I lose my marbles!

Otherwise, I will take liberties to refer to them as the Cheapskate A's, the Delightful A's or the F*****g A's, man. If Sacramento will not work in front a team that used to play in Philadelphia, ... Stauskas?

At this point, get rid of the A's moniker and John Fisher before Las Vegas

As you are reading this, I am Taylor Twellman-ing myself into complete oblivion. What are we doing? I mean, what are we doing??? We might as well name this team something from off of Backyard Baseball because at least the kids and the youths of the world would care about the Humongous Watermelons or some nonsense. Honestly, just name them the Lady Bugs, the Bananas or the Hopping Kangaroos.

Even though they will be playing at a Triple-A stadium as the second tenant to their Bay Area rival, this shouldn't be some contrived minor-league money-making ploy. This is Major League Baseball! In all honesty, this might be the worst thing to happen to the sport since MLB commissioner Rob Manfred called the Commissioner's Trophy "a piece of metal". How are we even allowing this to happen, folks?

While I am sure Ranadive and the rest of Sacramento will take great care of the A's, we need to take care of their ownership situation. This isn't like Mark Davis crying poor at a P.F. Chang's because he inherited his father's former AFL franchise. People chose to wear The Fisher Family's branded clothes because who doesn't need more things that say The Gap and Old Navy on them? What a clown show.

I cannot believe I am seeing a weirder relocation than the Montreal Expos playing a year in San Juan...