Angels admit bitter defeat in Shohei Ohtani sweepstakes in saddest way possible

It was a fantastic piece of art, I'd have to say. Not until Saturday afternoon did I know it even existed, but man, I could not be more soul-crushed. With Shohei Ohtani leaving for the crosstown rival in his free agency, you can say the Los Angeles Angels are crying Dodger Blue on Saturday night. The mural of Ohtani outside of Angel Stadium came down like a dead Christmas tree going to the curb.

As the Los Angeles Dodgers spend more money than god, god money cannot fill the head like a hole in the poor Halos' soul. With 700 million reasons to eliminate the mural from the face of the earth, you can see the Angels are taking the divorce pretty hard. They had been separated from Ohtani for the better part of a year now. They tried to stay together for the kids, but blink-182 wasn't saving the day.

Although adding Ron Washington as their manager will do wonders for the Angels next year and going forward, being without millennial Babe Ruth is certainly going to sting a bit. You could say it stings like your eyes would if you had to spend an entire afternoon around vats of industrial-strength paint thinner. Look at the Angels being in mourning and painting it black like a Rolling Stones hit song.

This is the saddest thing to happen to underdogs in Los Angeles since TCU lost 65-7 to Georgia.

As if the world needed another reason to hate the Mickey Mouse Dodgers, think about the mural!

Shohei Ohtani chose violence to bring to an end the most sacred mural

All Ohtani wanted to do was win, win, win, no matter what. No matter what the Angels decided to pay him and Mike Trout, it was never going to be good enough. The dog that lives inside them is microscopic to the point that it might be almost non-existent. Can you imagine what this team could have achieved if it had the power of The Hypnotoad? It was at least as powerful as the Rally Monkey!

When it starts to almost think about getting warm again, I will think about Atlanta Braves baseball, where Wash is at, how much I cannot stand that Ohtani plays for the Dodgers, and what happened to the most beautiful mural of all time. Looking at it had to have been like looking into the eyes of God himself and hearing, "you are my most wondrous creation." The mural was scrumtrulescent indeed!

As the rest of the United States either gets rained on or has to shovel some more snow, at least be happy that mural got to live a great life in mostly sunny skies and 75 degrees Fahrenheit. At the end of the day, it is not about who wins or loses, but the people we meet along the way, right? Right?... Well, in the game of professional sports, it is all about winning, and that is why Ohtani dumped the Angels.

Trout's only friend is the city Ohtani lives in, the City of Angels. Lonely as they are, together we cry.