Will the real Joe Burrow please stand up? Bengals QB unveils wild new haircut at camp

Not all heroes wear capes ... except for the fact that Eminem did in that one video that one time. This looks like a job for ... Joe Burrow! Yes, the Cincinnati Bengals quarterback is back, back again. Tell a friend that The Geauxt is ready for action in training camp. The Real Slim Sheisty has stood up, and we have to take notice. So when I say Burrow got an awesome new haircut, you know I'm not kidding.

Fact: I have never bleached my hair, as it is already blonde, or light brown in my mid-30s. I also have not buzzed my hair since elementary school because my mom said I looked bad with little to no hair on my noggin. Truth be told, I haven't have short hair since COVID. I loved the fact that Burrow used to let it flow, but I can understand 100 percent why he felt like going Slim Shady was the right call for all.

Not to say he is going to keep his hair like this all season long, but it would be absolutely incredibly if he did every postgame press conference dressed in a white wife lover, baggy blue jeans and a freshly bleached dome, bro? I bet that Jonah Hill's character in the "21 Jump Street" remake would be losing his ever-loving mind right now. To be fair, I can barely contain myself. Just lose it. Ha ha ha ha ha!

I haven't been happier to see someone go blonde since Ryan Gosling decided to go all-out Beavis.

Let me be perfectly clear when I say this. Fact: Blondes have more fun. Always have, always will.

Joe Burrow becomes The Real Slim Sheisty at Cincinnati Bengals camp

I don't claim to be a gambling man, but whatever you make in a given paycheck, bet that on the over when it comes to whatever the Bengals' futures come out to be. They are winning all the games. I am not saying that the 1972 Dolphins need to worry about their champagne this season, but those 70 and 80-somethings better have enjoyed last year while it lasted. The Bengals are going to be perfect!

Nobody's perfect, especially Vontaze Burfict. The lone exception to the rule are the 1971 T.C. Williams Titans and the 2024 Cincinnati Bengals. But instead of having a winning streak montage set to "Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress)", it is set to really any notable track from Eminem's catalogue. Whatever Burrow fancies in any given moment really. But what about Super Bowl 59 down in NOLA?

While I have picked Eminem's beloved Detroit Lions to come out of the NFC, I have not officially decided on an AFC team. I like the Bengals way, way more than the Kansas City Chiefs, but I understand how special Patrick Mahomes is under center. Then again, Burrow is the coolest human being alive. I would ride into the mists of Avalon if I played for the Bengals, if that is what you mean...

So when you see Burrow learning all the rhymes from "Stan", be on the lookout for Elton John to join.