No one told Dan Marino what he was in for in savage M&M's ad

Dan Marino has made a career as a spokesperson in the years since he hung up the spikes. However, not even M&M's wants you to forget the fact that he never won a Super Bowl when he played for the Miami Dolphins. Marino has not played in the NFL in nearly three decades, but his lack of postseason success is a running joke across football circles that never seems to get old. I mean, this one is great!

Marino was the lead star of M&M's Super Bowl commercial, the one centered around the notion of "Almost Champions." Apparently, M&M's have been handing out rings to "Almost Champions" for years. Instead of diamonds, they use peanut butter to create some sort of peanut butter version of them. It is carbon-based, so I guess there is science behind it. I don't know, ask Marino all about it.

To further pile it on, Marino showed how they made the "Almost Champions" rings. Who could have seen this coming? Blessed with the tears of fellow NFL "Almost Champions" like Bruce Smith and Terrell Owens, it was just about perfect. To add a bit of something not masculine to the football dude concoction, Scarlett Johnansson was definitely there to provide tears from Academy Awards' past.

Since 1983, Marino has played his part in making Dolphins fans cry, just like good, ole Darius Rucker.

The next time I eat some M&M's, I will consider myself in great company as an "Almost Champion".

Dan Marino is the supreme "Almost Champion" in a savage M&M's ad

I have seen Marino push a lot of product over the years. From gloves, to credit cards, to Jim Carrey movies, I know a pitchman when I see one. For a man who hated handing the ball off with a fiery passion, he is never afraid to take a pitch these days. I have already seen Marino in at least two commercial spots, so I've already lost count. But all I know is he was all about these M&Ms here.

The biggest problem I have with an otherwise perfect commercial is the injection of somebody's else tears inside the product. Does it violate health codes? What if I don't want to eat something Bruce Smith or Terrell Owens have been around? Well, that's not a problem for Kevin Durant, as he is known to want to drink someone else's bath water from time to time. Too bad he actually has a ring or two...

As a man who has eaten his body weight in M&M's before, I never knew I was almost becoming a champion while eating them. Who knew great things could be accomplished from sitting atop a beanbag chair in your dwelling? Why bother working out ever again at this point, when all it takes is a few family-sized bags of chocolatey deliciousness to get me there? I live my life one sleeve at a time.

I'm not able to spin it like Marino, but with the power of M&M's, I too can be an "Almost Champion."