Kansas City Royals' latest ballpark bite is heaven, and a heart attack, inside a taco

When you think of Kansas City, you think of barbecue, fountains and Patrick Mahomes. Well, what if I told you there is a fourth horseman of this midwestern apocalypse? In the land of Kansas City Chiefs and beefs, you can spend more money on a taco at a Kansas City Royals game than Clark Hunt will spend on locker room amenities in a calendar year. If the cholestrol doesn't kill you, everyone else will.

Behold! The greatest vehicle of the protein ever. Now at Kauffman Stadium, you can have the Taste of the K Taco! It is "a hot dog wrapped in a cheeseburger quesadilla and topped with barbecue brisket, fries, lettuce, pickled onion, Sriracha Cracker Jacks, and barbecue sauce." Tell me you want Andy Reid to go to more Royals games without telling me you want Andy Reid to go to more Royals games...

Low-key, I would absolutely try one of these, and no, I will not be sharing. While my body will reject me for thinking I can put barbecued beef brisket into it at 34 going on 35, I will keep the green dot up at an all-you-eat Brazilian steakhouse until the good lord tells me it is time to come home. This is going to go straight through me like Isiah Pacheco running 17 Power behind some Kansas City line meat.

Keep in mind there is some lettuce and pickled onion in there, so you are getting some vegetables!

Remember that when you are sitting atop your own porcelain throne, you are the king of your domain.

Kansas City Royals are packing the heat with all their beef meat tacos

Let's be real. We're not that much different than dogs. It's mostly about sleeping, eating and pooping. I mean, look at how happy Fido and Fluffy are nestled on your couch or nearby rug while you have to do work-y work at your job-y job. My FanSided.com colleague Alicia de Artola Castillo once said sleep is wasted on the dogs. That is true, but with the power of this taco, you too can sleep for eight hours!

This is the type of food you eat around lunch time, only to take a long enough nap that you don't know if it is a.m. or p.m. when you wake up. You are so overdue for a groggy dusk wakeup. I bet you will feel like a complete buffoon in the rain when you hop in the shower because you think you are late for work on Monday morning, only to be confused as to why it is getting darker as it gets closer to nine.

Your friends will make fun of you. Your spouse will be embarrassed for you. Your family will stop talking to you. But at the end of the day, it is all about putting something delicious in your mouth before it all comes crashing to an end for all of us. You only live once. Correction. You only die once, but many men and women never actually live. You are a big beefy American, so eat that damn taco hot dog!

Do it for the kids. Do it for grandma. Do it for Joey Chestnut. But mostly, do it for you. You're beautiful!