Kirk Cousins’ mustache has fans placing him somewhere between Hulk Hogan and Evil Abed

Minnesota Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins is sporting a mustache combo meant for hanging drywall at the local McDonalds, possibly doing crotch-chops at a bowling alley after a strike!
Kirk Cousins, Minnesota Vikings
Kirk Cousins, Minnesota Vikings / David Berding/GettyImages

When Kirk Cousins woke up on Saturday, he chose violence in the form of his beard trimmer.

The Minnesota Vikings quarterback regularly sports a beard, but usually keeps it pretty tight when he is not clean-shaven. He is a handsome man and a damn good quarterback at that. But when he took the razor to his face this morning, he became a real American, fighting for the rights of every man. "Hey, brother. You look fantastic!" "Ooh, wee." "You like that?!" "You better believe it, brother, man!"

Let's just hope that Cousins did something different with a million dollars than Peter Gibbons' blue-collar hero neighbor Lawrence did from Office Space. Bill Lumbergh is in utter shambles right now...

If this Fu Manchu got the Vikings to the Super Bowl, would Cousins rock this look well into February?

Kirk Cousins goes full-blown Fu Manchu on Minnesota Vikings sidelines

The last time the Vikings won the NFC, Damn Good Dawg Fran Tarkenton was scrambling in the backfield all willy nilly and Cousins wasn't even a twinkle in his pastor father's eye yet. I am not saying the Twin Cities need to build Cousins a statue if he leads them to Las Vegas this year, but it better have this mustache, proudly emblazoned on bronze forever. What about Canton? Gimme a hell yeah!

The only problem with this epic 'stache combo is that it might mess with Cousins' routine. We know how great he is during the 1:00 p.m. ET window when only a few people are watching across the country. But the instant he has to deviate from his plan, his life and his team's success goes down the drain like the whiskers he had on his cheeks and neck this morning. It is a tough mess to clean up...

Overall, I would totally rock the Fu Manchu if my blondish beard totally connected. It doesn't, so you're welcome. But with the NFC North in a state of flux, the only two things I care about are Cousins rocking this mustache all the way to Las Vegas and shorting the Chicago Bears because I wouldn't trust Ryan Poles or Kevin Warren to make me a ham sandwich without completely ruining the thing.

Be brave, Kirk. You rock this facial combo like the Hollywood Hulk Hogan that has long live inside you!

Next. SL: One reason every NFL team can win the Super Bowl. One reason every NFL team can win the Super Bowl. light