NBA free agents most likely to buy a Tesla Cybertruck and get it stuck on the beach

For NBA free agents, a new contract often means a big payday and the opportunity to treat yourself to a big, bucket-list purchase. Maybe it's a new home or one for mom. Maybe it's a new car or some splashy jewelry. Or, for certain members of the nouveau riche with a passionate interest in absurd status symbols, it could be a $100,000 Tesla Cybertruck.

The Cybertruck certainly sends a message — that you have a lot of disposable income, a passing interest in technology and a lack of interest in the personal failings of Elon Musk. It also demonstrates that you might be more interested in form than function. Documenting the myriad problems with the trucks, not the least of which is that they've been recalled four times, one of which was for a problem with sticky accelerator pedals that turned the car into a "6,800-Pound Land Missile," is a cottage industry on the internet.

My personal favorite genre of these viral catastrophes is stories of people getting their Cybertrucks stuck on beaches — in Massachusetts, Oregon, California and pretty much anywhere else with sand.

With hundreds of millions of dollars being handed out by teams, it seems likely that some newly paid NBA free agent is going to join Anthony Edwards, Kevin Durant, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and JaVale McGee and treat themselves to a Cybertruck. And there's a non-zero chance that purchase is quickly followed by a clip on social media of them trying to get it unstuck from an otherwise pristine beach.

Here are the free-agents most likely fall into this self-made trap.

3. Immanuel Quickley, Toronto Raptors

Toronto can get hammered with the lake effect snow and it makes sense that you'd want a big burly vehicle that can plow through drifts all winter. I'm not sure the Cybertruck actually is that kind of vehicle but when you just signed a new five-year, $175 million contract it could be easy to convince yourself that it is. It might not be great for the tight streets at the heart of downtown but if you're commuting in from Forest Hills, all bets are off.

Toronto is right on Lake Ontario and has plenty of public beaches. Technically, none are drivable but residents of the city might be willing to look the other way for their new starting point guard of the future. That is, until he gets this shiny, silver brick half-buried in the sand.

2. Malik Monk, Sacramento Kings

Sacramento is a land-locked capital but it's just a hop-skip-and-a-jump up to Lake Tahoe, a perfect mountain playground in the summer. It's also bursting at the seams with the rich and famous of Northern California, the kind of tech evangelists who love Tesla. Maybe Monk is getting into stand-up paddleboarding and needs a big vehicle that can carry his custom wood 11-foot-6-incher. Maybe he gets himself a Cybertruck and heads up the weekend. Maybe he tries to slip in at D.L. Bliss State Park, which is closed for the summer and gets himself stuck trying to park as close to the water as possible.

1. Klay Thompson, Dallas Mavericks

With over $266 million in career earnings, Klay could certainly have afforded to buy himself a Cybertruck before this latest three-year, $50 million deal he signed with the Mavericks. But, in his old home, he used to be able to take a boat to work.

He won't have that luxury in land-locked Dallas but a Cybertruck could be appealing as a vehicle to tow his boat down to Galveston for a bit of fishing in the Gulf. You start by backing down the boat ramp to get the trailer in the water, then Dereck Lively II is betting you can't do a donut in the sand, next thing you know you're on the top of TMZ.