Bill Belichick has been the face of the Patriots organization since "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (the Jim Carrey one a.k.a the only acceptable one) came out. That movie's pretty fitting considering Belichick's, er, Scroogian personality.
Could the Grumplestiltskin actually leave Foxboro in the near future?
Belichick reportedly agreed to a secret extension this past offseason, but... it's secret. Which means no one knows the contract details. Given the Patriots' 2023 season so far, Robert Kraft may have half a mind to rip up the alleged contract and start anew next year.
Belichick's unstable situation in New England lends itself to a Pandora's Box of possibilities. Reach in the box, and you might find that the long-time Pats leader is... heading to Dallas?
Gary Myers (not the horror writer, thought that would be quite apt) hypothesized that Belichick could be traded to the Cowboys to replace Mike McCarthy next season.
Myers, a former NFL columnist, is well-versed in both the Patriots and Cowboys teams, having written books about each franchise.
Note: This isn't satire. Myers mind-maps the natural progression of Belichick landing in Dallas and rubbing shoulders with Jerry Jones.
An All-American Horror Story: Bill Belichick rumored to coach Cowboys in apocalyptic future
Some of his reasons include: the Cowboys are in win-now mode, and Mike McCarthy is not a winning coach. In Myers' words, "I think Jones will realize after four years of McCarthy what everybody else seems to know: He's just an average coach who won just one Super Bowl in GB despite two years with Brett Favre and 11 with Aaron Rodgers."
Also, per Myers, there's a not-so-subtle friendship triangle connecting Jerry Jones, Bill Parcells, and Belichick. Jones lured Parcells out of retirement and hired him as the Cowboys' head coach from 2003 to 2006. Belichick was Parcells' protégé back when the two coached together on the New York Giants. By the transitive property, Belichick will become the next Cowboys coach and inevitably hire Josh McDaniels as his offensive coordinator.
Myers finally notes that the Cowboys can afford to pay Belichick, and Belichick can happily take the reins of an already excellent roster and do what he does best. Somewhere, in a graveyard in Foxboro, the ghosts of Belichick's post-Brady draft busts would react to this plug-and-coach situation with pure spite.
Myers' long-winded theory ultimately poses more questions than answers.
Would Belichick be willing to swallow his ego, step down from his throne as the Patriots' GM, and take on a plebeian head coaching job? Would the sinister pairing of Belichick and Jones in Dallas finally fulfill the Dark Lord's prophecy and unleash unimaginable terrors across the once-uncorrupted NFC, and then would the fate of football as we know it lie in the hands of the Irrelevant One, Brock Purdy?
For the last few years, the legendary Pats head coach has been crippled without Tom Brady, but with a potential Cowboys job looming in his future, Belichick could rise again.