Rays against the machine: No footstools on parade for noted IKEA hater Pete Fairbanks

Some of those that work forces are the same that work at IKEA. In this economy, anything is possible. Inflation is a real problem, so great Americans like Cap'n Gene Mauch have to work two jobs to get their sons through NYU: Primarily on the force with the NYPD and secondarily at the local Bed, Bath and Beyond. So where does Tampa Bay Rays closer and IKEA hater Pete Fairbanks fit into all this?

To quote legendary former San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson, "I feel like wanna rage, right now." Yes, Fairbanks decided he felt like destroying something beautiful in between innings while up in Minneapolis. It wasn't Jared Leto's face, but the Minnesota Twins are now down one precious miniature IKEA footstool. You know those things are pretty much legal tender over in Kansas City?

Fairbanks did get the save, but he apologized for making the poor IKEA footstool sleep now in the fire.

"I absolutely destroyed a few things in the cage, then regrouped, and we got it done... Look, let's just say that I owe the Minnesota Twins' visiting cage a new IKEA stool."

Anytime you can have a star ignore a PR person's pleas and answer freely, Tom Morello smiles fondly.

But despite all his rage, Fairbanks was still just a guy near a cage. Billy Corgan was not ready for this.

Pete Fairbanks raged against the machine, as in a poor IKEA footstool

Can you imagine if this happened at Arrowhead? Instead of Fairbanks, Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Baker Mayfield unleashes his frustration on a Kansas City miniature IKEA footstool after a four-pick performance vs. the Chiefs. Somehow, someway, penny-pinching owner Clark Hunt would try to find a way to prevent Mayfield from getting his game check for such locker room destruction.

As he screams at Roger Goodell over the phone, 100 percent calling collect, timid Chiefs reserves players scamper into the visiting locker room to grab the last remaining fibers of said IKEA footstool for kindling to use later in the season. No heating, no instructions, no problem... They're living hard, brother. The good news is I am sure the fine folks of Minneapolis will be Minnesota nice to Fairbanks.

For the sake of his Tampa Bay teammates, we can only hope that this was not a regular thing for him like it was near-2013 NL batting champion Chris Johnson was for my Atlanta Braves. He may have had a career year then, but I failed to realize why so many of his former teammates disliked him. That is because he was a raging psycho, one who would destroy a bat in the hallway every time he got out.

To be fair, I was so mad in an IKEA once. I was hungover and I was surrounded by Georgia Tech nerds.

For better or worse, IKEA and its wordless instruction manuals will often bring out the worst in you.